May You Be Happy

Opinion Columnist

By Mary Keyes Rogers | April 20, 2024

Very few people need to maintain their mental health. Maintenance is not the struggle. I mean let’s be honest, who says, “Boy, every day is such a joy, how do I stay on this train?” The reality is that most of us need to improve our mental health.

For those of you lucky enough to be in maintenance mode, as well as the rest of us, I offer you the benefit of my own experience and the success I found in meditation, beginning with a simple session that brings big results.

For the sake of your own quality of life and those who must spend time with you, my sincere hope is that you consider trying this baby-step introduction to meditation, which requires only a few minutes, and you won’t need to sit on a cushion, light a candle, or learn how to “not think about anything.” It will feel like a lovely spa bath for your mind and soul. Not only will you find a better night’s sleep and a few minutes of daily calm, but over time, you will have greater control over how you interact with the rainbow of jerks in your life.

Who am I to give you mental health advice? I’ll just say that, from time to time, I too have dined at the buffet of depression and anxiety with a side order of a very rare sleep disorder aptly named exploding head syndrome. (Feel free to Google it, but in short, as I go through the wake-sleep-wake period of falling asleep or waking up, I occasionally hear a bomb explode, like a gunshot, or a drawer full of pots and pans crashing in my head. Yes, it is terrifying in the moment. Still, I must admit that I do love being able to say I have a medical condition called exploding head syndrome.)

So, my relationship with mental wellness is a complicated chicken-or-the-egg situation. Does my interrupted sleep and moments of terror cause my periods of anxiety and depression, or do these maladies create stress and anxiety, which then increase the episodes and intensity of the ol’ exploding head? I suspect the political climate since 2016 is to blame, but my doctors say otherwise.

Either way, I actively tend my mental garden with meditation. With great resistance, I began this practice and three years later I can say that it has made a significant improvement in my quality of life. It isn’t a cure-all, but it is free and doesn’t require a prescription or any gear.

The Loving Kindness Meditation, or Metta, is a short meditation or prayer of sorts originating centuries ago in the Buddhist tradition. I can always find five to 10 minutes for this brain training to reinforce my mettle against the frustrations of daily life and the people who create it.

Start here: Find a quiet moment, close your eyes if you want, and silently repeat a few phrases of loving kindness in the direction of four specific people.

First, to a specific person for whom you have entirely neutral feelings. The cashier at your grocery store, a neighbor you see but don’t know, any random person. While holding this person in your mind, sincerely wish them the following sentiments and imagine you are mentally pushing these thoughts of loving kindness their way. You may need to repeat a few times to physically relax into the emotions.

May you be happy. May you be safe. May you feel joy. May you be free of pain. May you be at ease.

Second, recall a person that you have genuinely warm feelings for, someone you love and care for. Again, sink into these phrases as you silently say them.

Third, repeat these phrases while thinking about someone you have a problematic relationship with or for whom you feel animosity. It could be a relative, your co-worker, a celebrity, or maybe the driver who flipped you off yesterday for no apparent reason. This isn’t easy at first, but you’ll come around to seeing humanity benefit from a collective experience of loving kindness.

Finally, and maybe most challenging, hold your own self to your heart and breathe into a brainy break from your inner critic, your faults, and shortcomings:

May I be happy. May I be safe. May I feel joy. May I be free of pain. May I be at ease.

You really can’t help but feel better, with an appreciation for those you love, a kinder heart toward all the people you encounter each day, even those difficult people, and, of course, your own complicated self.

Mary Keyes Rogers is a resident of Traverse City, providing consulting services to small business owners. Her career has included her radio show Mary in the Morning, Marigold Women in Business, executive director of the National Association of Women Business Owners, and Michigan Small Business Development Center.