Letters

Letters 09-15-2014

Stop The Games On Campus

Four head coaches – two at U of M and two at MSU – get a total of $13 million of your taxpayer dollars each year. Their staffs get another $11 million...

The Truth About Fatbikes

While we appreciate the fatbike trail coverage, the quote from the article below is exactly what we demonstrated not to be true in most cases last season...

Man Has Environmental Responsibility

I tend to agree with Thomas Kachadurian (“Playing God,” Sept. 8) that we should not interfere with the power of nature by deciding what is “native” and what is not. Man usually does what is better for man (or so we believe), hence the survival and population growth of our species...

The Bush & Obama Facts

Don Turner’s letter to the editor on 8/25/14 stated that there has never been a more corrupt, dishonest, etc. set of politicians in the White House. He states no facts, but here are a few...

Ban Pesticides

I grew up downstate in a neighborhood without pesticides. I was always very healthy. Living here, I have become ill. So I did my research and found out a lot about these poison agents called pesticides (herbicides, fungicides, insecticides, chemical fertilizers, etc) that are being spread throughout this community, accumulating in our air, water and soil...

Respect for Presidents?

Recently we read the Letter to the Editor that encouraged us to stop characterizing President Obama as anything other than an upstanding, moral, inspiring “first Black President”. The author would have us think that the rancor in the press, media and public is misguided. And, believe it or not, this rancor is a “glaring exception to … unwritten patriotic rule” of historically supporting all previous presidents...


Home · Articles · News · Random Thoughts · Driving my Hummer
. . . .

Driving my Hummer

George Foster - March 25th, 2004
I don’t know when I first fell in love with the Hummer.
It could have been during intense scenes of Black Hawk Down or at one of the Terminator flicks. The sight of enemy shells blasting off the chassis of those glorious Humvees, while the good guys are hunkered down inside, making their getaway, is enough to start me salivating.
In my wildest dreams, I visualize my hair blowing in the wind and debris splattering everywhere as my open-top Hummer and I climb over boulders and bulldoze through muddy rivers. More than 300 horses on the floor laugh at all obstacles in our path. Grille guards protect the few areas on my vehicle vulnerable to collisions – so back off, dude.
If my Hummer does force you off the road into a ditch, do not be alarmed. Shortly, it can pull you back to safety with the Hummer’s front-hitch mounted portable winch. Of course, in the city, traffic jams part whenever a Hummer arrives. As in Moses and the Red Sea, others can only step aside and stare in awe as my Hummer and I journey once more to the gas station.
Just in case you don’t know of what I speak, Hummers are those ultra-wide automobiles, taking up two lanes of highway. Previously a novelty, they are seen more and more on the road in recent years and always driven by the coolest guys in town. Hummers are based on the military Humvee and began production in 1992. Since military issued Humvees are unavailable for consumer use, a Hummer is the next best thing.
I have never owned one but Hummer ownership is my ultimate dream. For me, purchase of this behemoth is the measure by which I will eventually judge my life. I know… they cost a fortune ($50,000-$70,000 base plus accessories) and get a measly 10 miles or so per gallon of gasoline. Additionally, despite the jarring price tag on each vehicle, Hummers have gotten very low marks for quality of manufacturing.
I am aware those and any other pitfall you can argue. Still, there are many compelling reasons to own a Hummer – here are a few.
Driving a Hummer is good for the environment. Think about it. The planet is quickly running out of fossil fuels as the West continuous to burn oil at an increasing, gluttonous rate. Meanwhile, evil dictators, sitting on top of the world’s largest oil reserves, are holding the rest of the world hostage to their prices and tyrannical practices – a recipe for disaster, right?
Not if more of us owned Hummers. Such gas-guzzlers are actually accelerating the day that we run out of oil and finally develop our own renewable energy sources. We can all agree when that day comes, Americans will be far better off.
Safety. Every consumer report I’ve ever read concludes that the bigger the vehicle you drive, the more likely you are to survive a collision. Hummers are the biggest, baddest vehicles on the road – a virtual Sherman tank. The $70,000 models will set up a buffer zone of 9000 pounds of steel between any looming danger in your path and the passengers inside (you, your family and friends - bring the whole neighborhood, there is plenty of room in the newer models).
Driving a Hummer is a statement. For some, Hummer owners are dripping with a shallow, egomania that covers up for an inferiority complex carried over from childhood. I dispute that image. My view is that driving a Hummer around town is an opportunity to express one’s patriotism. If John Wayne were here today, you can bet he would be driving a Hummer. I understand Arnold Swartzenegger owns eight – now there is a true patriot. After all, Arnold knows driving a Hummer is as American as apple pie and chasing women.
Cruising around in a near-military vehicle shows solidarity with our troops. What would you rather be driving if attacked by terrorists here – a Toyota hybrid? Best of all, Hummers are manufactured by General Motors in the good old USA. So, now you know - Hummer owners are concerned with societal issues and not the superficial, conceited louts as portrayed.
Getting chicks. What woman can resist a guy who drives a car that costs more than a house. The ladies also know that Hummer owners are macho, charismatic, sexy, and very successful. BMW and Corvette owners: you are out of luck. Women have moved on to chasing guys in Hummers.
I only hope they can wait 20 more years while I am saving to buy one.



 
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 
 

 

 
 
 
Close
Close
Close