Letters

Letters 10-27-2014

Paging Doctor Dan: The doctor’s promise to repeal Obamacare reminds me of the frantic restaurant owner hurrying to install an exhaust fan after the kitchen burns down. He voted 51 times to replace the ACA law; a colossal waste of money and time. It’s here to stay and he has nothing to replace it.

Evolution Is Real Science: Breathtaking inanity. That was the term used by Judge John Jones III in his elegant evisceration of creationist arguments attempting to equate it to evolutionary theory in his landmark Kitzmiller vs. Dover Board of Education decision in 2005.

U.S. No Global Police: Steven Tuttle in the October 13 issue is correct: our military, under the leadership of the President (not the Congress) is charged with protecting the country, its citizens, and its borders. It is not charged with  performing military missions in other places in the world just because they have something we want (oil), or we don’t like their form of government, or we want to force them to live by the UN or our rules.

Graffiti: Art Or Vandalism?: I walk the [Grand Traverse] Commons frequently and sometimes I include the loop up to the cistern just to go and see how the art on the cistern has evolved. Granted there is the occasional gross image or word but generally there is a flurry of color.

NMEAC Snubbed: Northern Michigan Environmental Action Council (NMEAC) is the Grand Traverse region’s oldest grassroots environmental advocacy organization. Preserving the environment through citizen action and education is our mission.

Vote, Everyone: Election Day on November 4 is fast approaching, and now is the time to make a commitment to vote. You may be getting sick of the political ads on TV, but instead, be grateful that you live in a free country with open elections. Take the time to learn about the candidates by contacting your county parties and doing research.

Do Fluoride Research: Hydrofluorosilicic acid, H2SiF6, is a byproduct from the production of fertilizer. This liquid, not environmentally safe, is scrubbed from the chimney of the fertilizer plant, put into containers, and shipped. Now it is a ‘product’ added to the public drinking water.

Meet The Homeless: As someone who volunteers for a Traverse City organization that works with homeless people, I am appalled at what is happening at the meetings regarding the homeless shelter. The people fighting this shelter need to get to know some homeless families. They have the wrong idea about who the homeless are.

Home · Articles · News · Random Thoughts · Driving my Hummer
. . . .

Driving my Hummer

George Foster - March 25th, 2004
I don’t know when I first fell in love with the Hummer.
It could have been during intense scenes of Black Hawk Down or at one of the Terminator flicks. The sight of enemy shells blasting off the chassis of those glorious Humvees, while the good guys are hunkered down inside, making their getaway, is enough to start me salivating.
In my wildest dreams, I visualize my hair blowing in the wind and debris splattering everywhere as my open-top Hummer and I climb over boulders and bulldoze through muddy rivers. More than 300 horses on the floor laugh at all obstacles in our path. Grille guards protect the few areas on my vehicle vulnerable to collisions – so back off, dude.
If my Hummer does force you off the road into a ditch, do not be alarmed. Shortly, it can pull you back to safety with the Hummer’s front-hitch mounted portable winch. Of course, in the city, traffic jams part whenever a Hummer arrives. As in Moses and the Red Sea, others can only step aside and stare in awe as my Hummer and I journey once more to the gas station.
Just in case you don’t know of what I speak, Hummers are those ultra-wide automobiles, taking up two lanes of highway. Previously a novelty, they are seen more and more on the road in recent years and always driven by the coolest guys in town. Hummers are based on the military Humvee and began production in 1992. Since military issued Humvees are unavailable for consumer use, a Hummer is the next best thing.
I have never owned one but Hummer ownership is my ultimate dream. For me, purchase of this behemoth is the measure by which I will eventually judge my life. I know… they cost a fortune ($50,000-$70,000 base plus accessories) and get a measly 10 miles or so per gallon of gasoline. Additionally, despite the jarring price tag on each vehicle, Hummers have gotten very low marks for quality of manufacturing.
I am aware those and any other pitfall you can argue. Still, there are many compelling reasons to own a Hummer – here are a few.
Driving a Hummer is good for the environment. Think about it. The planet is quickly running out of fossil fuels as the West continuous to burn oil at an increasing, gluttonous rate. Meanwhile, evil dictators, sitting on top of the world’s largest oil reserves, are holding the rest of the world hostage to their prices and tyrannical practices – a recipe for disaster, right?
Not if more of us owned Hummers. Such gas-guzzlers are actually accelerating the day that we run out of oil and finally develop our own renewable energy sources. We can all agree when that day comes, Americans will be far better off.
Safety. Every consumer report I’ve ever read concludes that the bigger the vehicle you drive, the more likely you are to survive a collision. Hummers are the biggest, baddest vehicles on the road – a virtual Sherman tank. The $70,000 models will set up a buffer zone of 9000 pounds of steel between any looming danger in your path and the passengers inside (you, your family and friends - bring the whole neighborhood, there is plenty of room in the newer models).
Driving a Hummer is a statement. For some, Hummer owners are dripping with a shallow, egomania that covers up for an inferiority complex carried over from childhood. I dispute that image. My view is that driving a Hummer around town is an opportunity to express one’s patriotism. If John Wayne were here today, you can bet he would be driving a Hummer. I understand Arnold Swartzenegger owns eight – now there is a true patriot. After all, Arnold knows driving a Hummer is as American as apple pie and chasing women.
Cruising around in a near-military vehicle shows solidarity with our troops. What would you rather be driving if attacked by terrorists here – a Toyota hybrid? Best of all, Hummers are manufactured by General Motors in the good old USA. So, now you know - Hummer owners are concerned with societal issues and not the superficial, conceited louts as portrayed.
Getting chicks. What woman can resist a guy who drives a car that costs more than a house. The ladies also know that Hummer owners are macho, charismatic, sexy, and very successful. BMW and Corvette owners: you are out of luck. Women have moved on to chasing guys in Hummers.
I only hope they can wait 20 more years while I am saving to buy one.



 
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