Letters

Letters 02-08-2016

Less Ageism, Please The January 4 issue of this publication proved to me that there are some sensible voices of reason in our community regarding all things “inter-generational.” I offer a word of thanks to Elizabeth Myers. I too have worked hard for what I’ve earned throughout my years in the various positions I’ve held. While I too cannot speak for each millennial, brash generalizations about a lack of work ethic don’t sit well with me...Joe Connolly, Traverse City

Now That’s an Escalation I just read the letter from Greg and his defense of the AR15. The letter started with great information but then out of nowhere his opinion went off the rails. “The government wants total gun control and then confiscation; then the elimination of all Constitutional rights.” Wait... what?! To quote the great Ron Burgundy, “Well, that escalated quickly!”

Healthy Eating and Exercise for Children Healthy foods and exercise are important for children of all ages. It is important for children because it empowers them to do their best at school and be able to do their homework and study...

Mascots and Harsh Native American Truths The letter from the Choctaw lady deserves an answer. I have had a gutful of the whining about the fate of the American Indian. The American Indians were the losers in an imperial expansion; as such, they have, overall, fared much better than a lot of such losers throughout history. Everything the lady complains about in the way of what was done by the nasty, evil Whites was being done by Indians to other Indians long before Europeans arrived...

Snyder Must Go I believe it’s time. It’s time for Governor Snyder to go. The FBI, U.S. Postal Inspection Service and the EPA Criminal Investigation Division are now investigating the Flint water crisis that poisoned thousands of people. Governor Snyder signed the legislation that established the Emergency Manager law. Since its inception it has proven to be a dismal failure...

Erosion of Public Trust Let’s look at how we’ve been experiencing global warming. Between 1979 and 2013, increases in temperature and wind speeds along with more rain-free days have combined to stretch fire seasons worldwide by 20 percent. In the U.S., the fire seasons are 78 days longer than in the 1970s...

Home · Articles · News · Random Thoughts · Driving my Hummer
. . . .

Driving my Hummer

George Foster - March 25th, 2004
I don’t know when I first fell in love with the Hummer.
It could have been during intense scenes of Black Hawk Down or at one of the Terminator flicks. The sight of enemy shells blasting off the chassis of those glorious Humvees, while the good guys are hunkered down inside, making their getaway, is enough to start me salivating.
In my wildest dreams, I visualize my hair blowing in the wind and debris splattering everywhere as my open-top Hummer and I climb over boulders and bulldoze through muddy rivers. More than 300 horses on the floor laugh at all obstacles in our path. Grille guards protect the few areas on my vehicle vulnerable to collisions – so back off, dude.
If my Hummer does force you off the road into a ditch, do not be alarmed. Shortly, it can pull you back to safety with the Hummer’s front-hitch mounted portable winch. Of course, in the city, traffic jams part whenever a Hummer arrives. As in Moses and the Red Sea, others can only step aside and stare in awe as my Hummer and I journey once more to the gas station.
Just in case you don’t know of what I speak, Hummers are those ultra-wide automobiles, taking up two lanes of highway. Previously a novelty, they are seen more and more on the road in recent years and always driven by the coolest guys in town. Hummers are based on the military Humvee and began production in 1992. Since military issued Humvees are unavailable for consumer use, a Hummer is the next best thing.
I have never owned one but Hummer ownership is my ultimate dream. For me, purchase of this behemoth is the measure by which I will eventually judge my life. I know… they cost a fortune ($50,000-$70,000 base plus accessories) and get a measly 10 miles or so per gallon of gasoline. Additionally, despite the jarring price tag on each vehicle, Hummers have gotten very low marks for quality of manufacturing.
I am aware those and any other pitfall you can argue. Still, there are many compelling reasons to own a Hummer – here are a few.
Driving a Hummer is good for the environment. Think about it. The planet is quickly running out of fossil fuels as the West continuous to burn oil at an increasing, gluttonous rate. Meanwhile, evil dictators, sitting on top of the world’s largest oil reserves, are holding the rest of the world hostage to their prices and tyrannical practices – a recipe for disaster, right?
Not if more of us owned Hummers. Such gas-guzzlers are actually accelerating the day that we run out of oil and finally develop our own renewable energy sources. We can all agree when that day comes, Americans will be far better off.
Safety. Every consumer report I’ve ever read concludes that the bigger the vehicle you drive, the more likely you are to survive a collision. Hummers are the biggest, baddest vehicles on the road – a virtual Sherman tank. The $70,000 models will set up a buffer zone of 9000 pounds of steel between any looming danger in your path and the passengers inside (you, your family and friends - bring the whole neighborhood, there is plenty of room in the newer models).
Driving a Hummer is a statement. For some, Hummer owners are dripping with a shallow, egomania that covers up for an inferiority complex carried over from childhood. I dispute that image. My view is that driving a Hummer around town is an opportunity to express one’s patriotism. If John Wayne were here today, you can bet he would be driving a Hummer. I understand Arnold Swartzenegger owns eight – now there is a true patriot. After all, Arnold knows driving a Hummer is as American as apple pie and chasing women.
Cruising around in a near-military vehicle shows solidarity with our troops. What would you rather be driving if attacked by terrorists here – a Toyota hybrid? Best of all, Hummers are manufactured by General Motors in the good old USA. So, now you know - Hummer owners are concerned with societal issues and not the superficial, conceited louts as portrayed.
Getting chicks. What woman can resist a guy who drives a car that costs more than a house. The ladies also know that Hummer owners are macho, charismatic, sexy, and very successful. BMW and Corvette owners: you are out of luck. Women have moved on to chasing guys in Hummers.
I only hope they can wait 20 more years while I am saving to buy one.



 
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 
 

 

 
 
 
Close
Close
Close