Letters

Letters 02-08-2016

Less Ageism, Please The January 4 issue of this publication proved to me that there are some sensible voices of reason in our community regarding all things “inter-generational.” I offer a word of thanks to Elizabeth Myers. I too have worked hard for what I’ve earned throughout my years in the various positions I’ve held. While I too cannot speak for each millennial, brash generalizations about a lack of work ethic don’t sit well with me...Joe Connolly, Traverse City

Now That’s an Escalation I just read the letter from Greg and his defense of the AR15. The letter started with great information but then out of nowhere his opinion went off the rails. “The government wants total gun control and then confiscation; then the elimination of all Constitutional rights.” Wait... what?! To quote the great Ron Burgundy, “Well, that escalated quickly!”

Healthy Eating and Exercise for Children Healthy foods and exercise are important for children of all ages. It is important for children because it empowers them to do their best at school and be able to do their homework and study...

Mascots and Harsh Native American Truths The letter from the Choctaw lady deserves an answer. I have had a gutful of the whining about the fate of the American Indian. The American Indians were the losers in an imperial expansion; as such, they have, overall, fared much better than a lot of such losers throughout history. Everything the lady complains about in the way of what was done by the nasty, evil Whites was being done by Indians to other Indians long before Europeans arrived...

Snyder Must Go I believe it’s time. It’s time for Governor Snyder to go. The FBI, U.S. Postal Inspection Service and the EPA Criminal Investigation Division are now investigating the Flint water crisis that poisoned thousands of people. Governor Snyder signed the legislation that established the Emergency Manager law. Since its inception it has proven to be a dismal failure...

Erosion of Public Trust Let’s look at how we’ve been experiencing global warming. Between 1979 and 2013, increases in temperature and wind speeds along with more rain-free days have combined to stretch fire seasons worldwide by 20 percent. In the U.S., the fire seasons are 78 days longer than in the 1970s...

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ask the advice goddess

None - August 19th, 2011  
Piece Treaty

Recently, you published a letter from a married man complaining about his wife’s letting their two young children sleep in their marital bed with them. They’d gone from being a couple who didn’t have much sex to a nearly sexless one. You seemed to suggest that the guy bargain for sex from his wife: “Talk about how much sex you’d like, and how much she’s willing to provide, and work out a compromise.” My question is, “Why bother?” Since they’re married, it’s unlikely he’s a sex object or love object to her. It seems more likely that he’s just a trapped meal ticket. If that’s the case, he should get his wife to sign an OK for extramarital activity. Life is too short to put up with people who don’t appreciate you.

--Take My Advice

The extramarital sex treaty. Brilliant. A man need only ask his wife to sign on the dotted line, and she’ll start rummaging through her purse for her favorite pen. Before long, he’ll be stumbling through the door all skanko at 11:30 p.m., and she’ll look up from her Sudoku and chirp, “Did you have a nice night with the hookers, dear?” Yes, life is too short to put up with someone who doesn’t appreciate you - - until you and that someone say to each other, “Wouldn’t it be totally cute if we made little people who look just like us?!” Divorce eats children and only seems to be the step to take if the parents’ marriage is chronically and intensely ugly. In reviewing the body of research on divorce, Dr. Paul R. Amato found that children of divorced parents “score lower … on measures of academic success, conduct, psychological adjustment, self-concept, social competence, and long-term health.” On the bright side, they’re usually able to play their parents against each other so they can get more sugary snacks and much cooler toys.

Of course, on a pure fairness level, you don’t get to be married to somebody and be all “I’m retiring from sexual activity” - - not unless you answer “That’s nice, dear” to your spouse’s “I’m just running over to borrow a cup of sex from the lady next door.” Fairness aside, sending the husband out to shop elsewhere for nookie is a bad idea. Sex between people in a relationship isn’t just a day in naked Disneyland but a way they cleave to each other emotionally and even biochemically and maintain a relationship that goes deeper than a roommate situation with a lifetime lease.

Was I suggesting that they haggle over sex like it’s a scarf in a bazaar? Well, yes, but it sounds better when you call it “coming to a marital compromise.” By talking about how often he’d like to have sex and how often she’s willing to put out, they may stem the resentment that builds up when needs go ignored and find out whether there’s anything she needs that he isn’t providing. I wrote recently about Dr. Rosemary Basson’s breakthrough work on female sexual desire -- how women in long-term relationships sometimes have to start fooling around for desire to come. Even if these two don’t know that, if they start scheduling sex dates, they’re likely to find out. In the process, they should develop conflict resolution skills beyond simply refusing to put up with anyone who doesn’t appreciate them. That idea’s great in concept, but take it to its inevitable conclusion and, well, who’s going to take care of the millions of children who get dropped off at the fire station with a bag lunch and a note?

Sex And The Cellar

I’m 26, and I’m trying to start my own business as an events photographer. To save money, I’ve moved into my parents’ house. I have been dating some and get the feeling that girls aren’t so keen that I live with my parents. But then, part of me thinks, so what? I’m saving and doing the right thing.

--Basement Dweller

Living at home puts a certain crimp in sexytime. A woman can’t help but picture getting it on with you only to have your mom interrupt with “Hey, you kids, just lift your feet while I vacuum.” In this economy, moving in with your parents is somewhat more acceptable than it’s been, but 26 is kind of pushing it in many women’s eyes. Women look for a man to show potential -- and not just the potential to mooch off his parents for the next five decades. You’ll improve your chances with the ladies if you present your current living situation as part of a serious business plan, which suggests that there’s light at the end of the basement, and not just from the furnace pilot. That’s right; you’re a man who’s going places. Just as soon as your mom pulls your laundry out of the dryer.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com) (c)2009, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

 
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