Letters

Letters 09-22-2014

Lame Duck Move

Twenty three states are controlled by Republican state legislatures and governors including Michigan. It is reported that Michigan Republicans are planning a sneak attack during the lame duck session to change the way electoral votes are allocated in presidential elections...

Lessons From The Middle East

“My enemy’s enemy is my friend.” That statement applies in the Middle East....

Student Athletes, Coaches Worth It

Are coaches at major universities overpaid? A simple Google search will show quite the opposite. These coaches do not get paid with taxpayer money. The coaches get paid by media companies, equipment companies, alumni groups, as well as revenue from ticket sales and merchandise...

Mute The Political Ads

Mark Sunday, September 14th as the opening of the flood gates, with TV political attack advertising. Fasten your seat belts until November 4th...

Home · Articles · News · Random Thoughts · Men deserve purses, too
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Men deserve purses, too

George Foster - September 7th, 2006
In a song from the 1960s, an old Motown band rates the various qualities to look for in women, but concludes, “...first I look at the purse.”
I, too, have made a study of the purse... those carried by men. We need to brace ourselves, guys. In the future, every man will own a purse. Not a wallet, I mean a real honest-to-goodness handbag with shoulder straps, multi-pocketed, and room enough to fill with guy’s stuff.
I knew this was coming. You see, in the late 1960s and early 1970s, I admit to using a purse. At college, some kind of bag to carry books seemed only reasonable. After observing a star basketball player on campus using a purse (a frilly one at that), I decided not to concern myself with how my manhood might be perceived in public. When asked, I informed friends that I had purchased a “pouch” at the army surplus store. At that moment in my maturity, I was still not ready to concede I had been reduced to carrying a purse.
I haven’t used it in 30 years but I came to love that purse... I mean, pouch. It was camouflage green and I imagined it whispered “macho”. Also, I now understood why women carried purses - having daily essentials at an arm’s length is a real luxury. In addition to books, the 1970s lunch of raw nuts and organic fruit didn’t take up much space in the bag. A journal of poetry was also easily stored in my trusty pouch. It was a different era, okay?
The proliferation of cell phones has created a pent-up demand for purses deep in the subconscious male brain. Most guys own mobile phones, but there is no phone-carrying bag currently on the market suitable for men. We usually carry our phones on some variation of a belt hook or in our pocket. The problem with this solution is that phones are continually smashed against walls and car doors. Also, café floors are
littered with cell phones that slide out of male customer pockets. Worst-case
scenarios result in phones falling to ghastly deaths of pavement obliteration or toilet drowning.
No getting around it, men need purses. Today, in addition to mobile phones, a growing problem of keys, key-rings and chains are filling the pockets of most men. We carry keys for workplace doors,
keys for houses, garages, cars, PO boxes, storage units, bicycles, lockers, etc., I
have enough keys, alone, to fill a medium-sized purse.
Don’t forget the latest in high quality, low-priced digital cameras. It is tempting to carry these enjoyable devices on our person, daily. But you try putting a camera-carrying case on your belt, flanked by a mobile phone holder, weighed down by three-dozen keys - not to mention wallet, change, and iPods... good grief.
Women are just smarter than men on this score. My practical wife owns a huge, green purse, a virtual suitcase. Her handbag has miraculous expansion capabilities - for good reason since she fills it with about half of her possessions. Whenever I have been forced to rummage inside of her purse for items, I am once again reminded of how grueling it can be to enter a blackhole of makeup cases, cameras, papers, phones, vitamins, and car keys. Yet, somehow, my wife knows the exact location of each item in her purse.
What men don’t understand is that it will take centuries for us to advance to the level of women in this area of evolution. You see - the purse has become a virtual body part for many females.
In all the years I have observed my mother, her purse rarely left her side. I once attempted to surprise her by snatching her handbag from behind while walking on a city street. Instantly, she switched into crisis mode by putting a two-handed, vice-like grip on her purse that this 200-pound man could not have extracted without a titanic struggle. Only while sleeping, my mother loosens her grip on the handbag. Of course, hanging on the bedroom doorknob, her purse is a mere three-foot leap away from her bed in the rare case an intruder might be tempted. Not surprisingly, my mother has never lost her purse, let alone her mobile phone.
So men, what are we waiting for? I volunteer to be one of the first to acquire a purse... as long as it is camouflage green, of course.
 
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