Letters

Letters 07-25-2016

Remember Bush-Cheney Does anyone remember George W. Bush and Dick Cheney? They were president and vice president a mere eight years ago. Does anyone out there remember the way things were at the end of their duo? It was terrible...

Mass Shootings And Gun Control The largest mass shooting in U.S. history occurred December 29,1890, when 297 Sioux Indians at Wounded Knee in South Dakota were murdered by federal agents and members of the 7th Cavalry who had come to confiscate their firearms “for their own safety and protection.” The slaughter began after the majority of the Sioux had peacefully turned in their firearms...

Families Need Representation When one party dominates the Michigan administration and legislature, half of Michigan families are not represented on the important issues that face our state. When a policy affects the non-voting K-12 students, they too are left out, especially when it comes to graduation requirements...

Raise The Minimum Wage I wanted to offer a different perspective on the issue of raising the minimum wage. The argument that raising the minimum wage will result in job loss is a bogus scare tactic. The need for labor will not change, just the cost of it, which will be passed on to the consumer, as it always has...

Make Cherryland Respect Renewable Cherryland Electric is about to change their net metering policy. In a nutshell, they want to buy the electricity from those of us who produce clean renewable electric at a rate far below the rate they buy electricity from other sources. They believe very few people have an interest in renewable energy...

Settled Science Climate change science is based on the accumulated evidence gained from studying the greenhouse effect for 200 years. The greenhouse effect keeps our planet 50 degrees warmer due to heat-trapping gases in our atmosphere. Basic principles of physics and chemistry dictate that Earth will warm as concentrations of greenhouse gases increase...

Home · Articles · News · Random Thoughts · A love letter
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A love letter

Robert Downes - February 11th, 2008
Dear Northern Michigan Men,
Many of you will be in ladies‘ underwear this week.
Not literally, of course, but browsing the lingerie department in stores around the region for that ‘special something’ for Valentine’s Day.
I remember a packed Men’s Night at a lingerie shop a year ago. Grown men were elbowing each other out of the way, debating the pros & cons of silky bustiers, thongs, teddies and lacy bra & panty combinations. And frankly, they were having a blast.
The chatter in the store was along the lines of: “Do you think she’ll look better in the polka dot combo or red satin? What about something sheer and silky in chartreuse? Hmmm...”
For men, the fun of shopping for lingerie is imagining how our lady will look in the fur-trimmed negligee with the pom-pom ball tassels that we picked out all by ourselves. Or the thrill that will light up her eyes when she tries on that scratchy nylon saloon girl’s outfit that was popular on “Gunsmoke” 50 years ago.
Ahem. That’s why some of us have learned to ‘keep it simple, stupid’ when shopping for sweet nothings. Something sensual but semi-tasteful, and always keep the receipt in case that lace fantasy is too tight, too big, or not her color, and inspires more thoughts of the return counter than romance.
And back it up with a box of chocolates or a red rose, just in case.

Your Valentine Pal -- Bob

Dear Britney,
Haven‘t heard from you since, oh, last week. You never write, you never call...
But I‘m worried that you‘re going the way of Kurt Cobain with your drama queen antics, so here‘s the advice I would have given him before he stuck that shotgun in his mouth:
Get out of town, babe. Drive up to Dawson in Alaska, find a bunch of locals who don‘t have a clue as to who you are, and spend four months rafting 2,000 miles down the Yukon River this summer.
The Great Outdoors -- best rehab center in the world. Mosquito bites, near-death experiences, bears, sittin‘ by the campfire at night -- it‘s just what you need, blackout girl. And when you get back, you can reinvent yourself as a country star with a coonskin cap and buckskin bikini.

Hugs & Kisses -- Bob

Dear TC Commission,
There’s a new bar in Traverse City which has a no-smoking policy. Recently, I stopped in and found a good crowd there, enjoying the new brews and the clean air.
Just down the street there’s another new bar which allows smoking on its premises. It too had a full house, with many patrons who are grateful that they can still have a cigarette with their beer.
Two choices -- smoking & non-smoking -- within a couple of blocks of each other. What a concept.
Hmm, now do we need the Traverse City Commission to tell us what we can or cannot do through the creation of a new ordinance to ban smoking from bars and restaurants?
Or, are we capable of making that decision for ourselves?
Although I‘m not a smoker, I‘d still prefer to make my own choices, thank you. It‘s called “freedom.“

Love Ya -- Bob

Dear Detroit,
Yeah, times are tough in Michigan‘s biggest city and you‘re bringin‘ us down with you, literally.
But you‘ve been hit with a recession bordering on a depression every 10 years ever since I was a kid, way back before Howdy Doody was on the air.
Each time, you vow to diversify your economy when the tough times are over. Then, somehow you pull your rear-end out of the fire and forget your promise.
So don‘t worry. Some Chinese automaker will come along, buy up your auto companies and save the day. And 10 years from now, you‘ll be wearing the same pair of shoes, wondering how it all went wrong. Again.

Your Tough Love Admirer -- Bob

Dear John McCain,
Get back to the straight talk and stop listening to critics who claim you‘re not “conservative“ enough for their brand of bile.
To refresh your memory, Americans are sick of the path that conservatives in your party have led us down over the past eight years. That‘s why we threw them out of office in the last election.
We‘re tired of war, tired of hearing that torture and waterboarding are okay, tired of military spending at the expense of health care and education. Tired of no action on global warming and America‘s bad reputation around the world. This is where conservatives have led us and it‘s why America is saying “enough.“
The “C“ word people are clamoring for is “change,“ not more ideas that are as dead as Ronald Reagan.
People like the independent, open-minded John McCain, not the guy who rolls over for talk radio fruitcakes.

With Warm Regards -- Bob

Dear Barack Obama,
Congratulations on not sweeping the Super Tuesday primaries. If you had won it all, you‘d be stuck spending the next eight months pretending to be the second coming of John F. Kennedy. Eventually, people would find out that you‘re a human being instead of a myth and they‘d feel betrayed. In the long run, you‘re better off being a flesh & blood candidate than a fantasy from the ‘60s.
P.S. Love that ‘Obama Girl‘ clip on YouTube. She‘s going to win it for you.

Your Valentine Buddy -- Bob

 
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