Letters

Letters 10-27-2014

Paging Doctor Dan: The doctor’s promise to repeal Obamacare reminds me of the frantic restaurant owner hurrying to install an exhaust fan after the kitchen burns down. He voted 51 times to replace the ACA law; a colossal waste of money and time. It’s here to stay and he has nothing to replace it.

Evolution Is Real Science: Breathtaking inanity. That was the term used by Judge John Jones III in his elegant evisceration of creationist arguments attempting to equate it to evolutionary theory in his landmark Kitzmiller vs. Dover Board of Education decision in 2005.

U.S. No Global Police: Steven Tuttle in the October 13 issue is correct: our military, under the leadership of the President (not the Congress) is charged with protecting the country, its citizens, and its borders. It is not charged with  performing military missions in other places in the world just because they have something we want (oil), or we don’t like their form of government, or we want to force them to live by the UN or our rules.

Graffiti: Art Or Vandalism?: I walk the [Grand Traverse] Commons frequently and sometimes I include the loop up to the cistern just to go and see how the art on the cistern has evolved. Granted there is the occasional gross image or word but generally there is a flurry of color.

NMEAC Snubbed: Northern Michigan Environmental Action Council (NMEAC) is the Grand Traverse region’s oldest grassroots environmental advocacy organization. Preserving the environment through citizen action and education is our mission.

Vote, Everyone: Election Day on November 4 is fast approaching, and now is the time to make a commitment to vote. You may be getting sick of the political ads on TV, but instead, be grateful that you live in a free country with open elections. Take the time to learn about the candidates by contacting your county parties and doing research.

Do Fluoride Research: Hydrofluorosilicic acid, H2SiF6, is a byproduct from the production of fertilizer. This liquid, not environmentally safe, is scrubbed from the chimney of the fertilizer plant, put into containers, and shipped. Now it is a ‘product’ added to the public drinking water.

Meet The Homeless: As someone who volunteers for a Traverse City organization that works with homeless people, I am appalled at what is happening at the meetings regarding the homeless shelter. The people fighting this shelter need to get to know some homeless families. They have the wrong idea about who the homeless are.

Home · Articles · News · Books · At least in the city someone would...
. . . .

At least in the city someone would hear me scream By Wade Rouse

Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli - June 22nd, 2009
A Gay Green Acres
Set in Saugatuck
At Least in the City Someone Would Hear
Me Scream
By Wade Rouse
Harmony Books

By Elizabeth Kane Buzzelli 6/22/09

You take comedian Stephen Colbert, throw in a generous dash of the guys from Queer Eye, and what you get is Wade Rouse’s hilarious new memoir, At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream - Misadventures in Search of the Simple Life.
Wade, and his partner, Gary, leave St. Louis to come live their dream life in the Michigan woods outside of Saugatuck, where they innocently run smack up against themselves, the culture of the north woods, and the problem of getting what they asked for and maybe not wanting it at all.
When real life gets wrapped up with a philosophy that comes straight down from Ricky and Lucy Ricardo, gets mired in the muck of Walden, then straightened out by a guy on an overpass holding a sign that asks: “WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU COULD NOT FAIL?” you’ve got the trajectory of this howl of a book, with just a little bittersweetness at its heart.
Nothing can be funnier than Wade’s introduction to his new home, when he begins the story of his transition from city to country with a raccoon on his head. Not a coonskin cap; not a toy raccoon, but a “very much alive, very much pissed off, and very much sporting a bad stink, and a lot of painfully sharp claws” raccoon.
Who would have thought of an animal in your garbage can? Evidently not this ‘modern-day Henry David Thoreau,’ who also never considered being alone to write all day with nothing to say; never imagined being so far from a Starbucks, or a Whole Foods; never thought he wouldn’t be able to run into an Anthropologie when he was in desperate need of a retro Froot Loop T-shirt, or that he wouldn’t have a place to go for a good microdermabrasion or to have his lashes tinted. He wasn’t going to the dark side of the moon, after all, was he? Only to the back woods of western Michigan.

NEIGHBORLINESS
Wade Rouse is the quintessential fish out of water; like none you’ve ever met before. This is a guy who, by his own admission, buys Mary Kay and swipes lotion “and bronzer onto his bare legs in the supermarket while he thumps kiwi.” Now put him in the back woods where a neighbor watches him through night-vision goggles; another has a yard crammed with cat imagery, even to a cat waving an American flag, with the slogan “PROUD AMERICAT” on it; and the neighbor next door, in the rusting single-wide, comes on to him as his first gesture of neighborliness.
So, here he is in Michigan, back in the woods, trying to write and finding he has nothing to write about. And from this angst comes a memoir based on ten lessons Wade and Gary hope to learn in order to make it in their new home. Loosely based on Thoreau’s Walden, the lessons are meant to take them from their old, corporate life of friends and good restaurants, expensive clothes and parties, to a life based on the mind; a life pared to simplicity; a life where these two men can appreciate each other and what they have.
“Lesson Five: PARTICIPATE IN COUNTRY CUSTOMS” takes Wade out ice fishing. In his “cashmere turtleneck, a $300 scarf that I bought in Chicago, and a brand-new peacoat that makes me look like I should be having hot tea with Gwyneth and Apple in a London cafe,” and in his “slick-footed Kenneth Cole Reaction boots with zero traction,” Wade’s off to meet new friends out on the ice, in their fishing shanty.
Of course, he slips and slides over the ice to be picked up, unceremoniously, by one of the fishermen waiting for him. Before long, Wade, sitting on his little stool with a line down into the water, gets bored and cold and begins to whine. The whining brings shunning. But Wade perseveres—as he does through all 10 of his lessons.
Another foray into local custom is a trip to a country-western bar for karaoke. Here, two of the native women (“Whachoo cute young cowpokes doin’ here without any ladies?” one slurs and the other adds “Well, you fellas could use some cheerin’ up. And we’re just the gals to do it”) give Wade and Gary a warm, but useless, welcome. The women discover the two men they’ve set their sites on are gay, but the evening is saved by Wade singing a Kelly Clarkson song, warming up the mostly drunken crowd.

VEGGIE DREAM
Planning to sustain themselves like Thoreau, who cultivated seven miles of beans, Wade and Gary plant an extensive, and expensive, vegetable garden. The chapter “Gary and Wade Grow a Single Bean” tells the story of that abortive effort.
In between the disappointments, the fun, and the snide cynicism (which Wade vows to give up—in one of his rules—but never quite overcomes), there is also buried anger and hurt. Though Wade hides nothing and fights like a tiger to be exactly who he is, there are stark hints of his difficult passage as a fat, gay boy growing up in the Ozarks to the urban gay man who has now come back to his roots. Maybe it is that past he’s set out to conquer; maybe it is himself—the man who no longer needs to hide in a city. What he and Gary have done is come to the woods, much as Thoreau did, to live as one with nature, to learn about themselves and each other, and be at peace with the world around them.
Introspective, even with a raccoon sitting on his head, Wade can see the part he’s played in his own destiny. He writes: “The coon’s tail swings over my shoulder, and, for a second, I resemble Madonna on her Blonde Ambition tour. And then I realize this is my payback. Just a couple of weeks ago in the city I was making fun of a woman with hideous hair extensions in Walgreen’s. I mean, I had to: The color and texture didn’t even match her real hair...”
Look out Michigan. Wade Rouse is here, and it looks as if he means to stay.

Buzzelli’s Dead Floating Lovers, second in the Emily Kincaid Northern Michigan mystery series from Midnight Ink, is in books stores now.


 
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