Letters

Letters 08-31-2015

Inalienable Rights This is a response to the “No More State Theatre” in your August 24th edition. I think I will not be the only response to this pathetic and narrow-minded letter that seems rather out of place in the northern Michigan that I know. To think we will not be getting your 25 cents for the movie you refused to see, but more importantly we will be without your “two cents” on your thoughts of a marriage at the State Theatre...

Enthusiastically Democratic Since I was one of the approximately 160 people present at when Senator Debbie Stabenow spoke on August 14 in Charlevoix, I was surprised to read in a letter to Northern Express that there was a “rather muted” response to Debbie’s announcement that she has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president...

Not Hurting I surely think the State Theatre will survive not having the homophobic presence of Colleen Smith and her family attend any matinees. I think “Ms.” Smith might also want to make sure that any medical personnel, bank staff, grocery store staff, waiters and/or waitress, etc. are not homosexual before accepting any service or product from them...

Stay Home I did not know whether to laugh or cry when I read the letter of the extremely homophobic, “disgusted” writer. She now refuses to patronize the State Theatre because she evidently feels that its confines have been poisoned by the gay wedding ceremony held there...

Keep Away In response to Colleen Smith of Cadillac who refused to bring her family to the State Theatre because there was a gay wedding there: Keep your 25 cents and your family out of Traverse City...

Celebrating Moore And A Theatre I was 10 years old when I had the privilege to see my first film at the State Theatre. I will never forget that experience. The screen was almost the size of my bedroom I shared with my older sister. The bursting sounds made me believe I was part of the film...

Outdated Thinking This letter is in response to Colleen Smith. She made public her choice to no longer go to the State Theater due to the fact that “some homosexuals” got married there. I’m not outraged by her choice; we don’t need any more hateful, self-righteous bigots in our town. She can keep her 25 cents...

Mackinac Pipeline Must Be Shut Down Crude oil flowing through Enbridge’s 60-yearold pipeline beneath the Mackinac Straits and the largest collection of fresh water on the planet should be a serious concern for every resident of the USA and Canada. Enbridge has a very “accident” prone track record...

Your Rights To Colleen, who wrote about the State Theatre: Let me thank you for sharing your views; I think most of us are well in support of the first amendment, because as you know- it gives everyone the opportunity to express their opinions. I also wanted to thank Northern Express for not shutting down these types of letters right at the source but rather giving the community a platform for education...

No Role Model [Fascinating Person from last week’s issue] Jada quoted: “I want to be a role model for girls who are interested in being in the outdoors.” I enjoy being in the outdoors, but I don’t want to kill animals for trophy...

Home · Articles · News · Books · Ripping the Lid Off the Writing...
. . . .

Ripping the Lid Off the Writing Racket

Robert Downes - July 27th, 2009
Ripping the Lid Off the Writing Racket

By Robert Downes 7/27/09

How I Became a Famous Novelist
By Steve Hely
Black Cat Books
322 pages - $14

“When my career as a novelist began, my ambitions were simple: to learn
the con, make money, impress women, and get out.”
So says Pete Tarslow, a cynical young author who tells the rags-to-riches
tale of writing his first novel, The Tornado Ashes Club in what is surely
the funniest book written so far this century.
‘Hilarious’ is too slight a word to describe this comic novel by Steve
Hely, especially if you happen to be a book club fan or a writer yourself.
Hely’s satire of bestselling books, authors and publishing had me
laughing out loud for page after page. It’s the kind of book you have to
be careful of while drinking liquids so they don’t go spurting out your
nose... And in between the laughs, How I Became a Famous Novelist is
punctuated by dead-ringer insights on literature and the book business.
Fresh out of college, Tarslow works for a company called EssayAides that
specializes in rewriting the “gibberish words” of wealthy kids into
polished application essays for college or grad school.
When he learns that his former girlfriend Polly is getting married,
Tarslow decides that the best revenge would be to become a bestselling
author in order to wreck her wedding by dazzling her guests and one-upping
the groom. In his imagination, Tarslow plans to snag the cutest bridesmaid
at the wedding, say “writerly” things to adoring women, drop tidbits about
his six-figure movie deal and mention the Entertainment Weekly profile of
Elijah Wood who will be starring in the film version of his book. “And
Polly would slap her flowers in rage, upstaged at her own wedding.
Defeated.”

THE PERKS
Tarslow also imagines that becoming a famous novelist will land him
riches, a stately waterfront home, and a university teaching job with an
endless supply of bright young co-eds eager to have sex with a great
writer.
His quest to become a bestselling novelist is merciless in harpooning the
sacred cows of literature, poking fun at thinly-disguised famous authors,
writers workshops, book expos, Oprah, and the New York Times Bestsellers
List.
Half the fun of reading the book is trying to figure out who the authors
are that are being satirized: Dan Brown, John Grisham, James Patterson,
Tom Clancy, Nora Roberts, Patricia Cornwell, Cormac McCarthy and Charles
Frazier are among the possible suspects.
For his role model as a novelist, Tarslow is inspired by the work of a
windbag author named Preston Brooks, whose book, Kindness to Birds is
packed with billowy, sentimental prose in the mode of Nicholas Sparks (The
Notebook, Message in a Bottle) or James Waller (The Bridges of Madison
County).
Tarslow considers Brooks to be a con man and a phony who has “strung
together some mushy novels and pawned them off on thousands of book-buying
saps.” He resolves to write his own book, The Tornado Ashes Club, using
all of the cliches of popular fiction and book club bait: “Write a
popular book. Do not waste energy making it a good book,” is one of his
rules for success.

RULES FOR SUCCESS
His research turns up 16 rules for writing a bestselling novel: First, it
must include a murder (60 percent of all bestselling novels involve
killings). Then the book should include clubs; secrets; descriptions of
delicious meals; something about World War II; highway scenes; obscure,
exotic locations; plant names; a hero liberated from a dull job: and the
injection of as many scenes from reader-filled towns as possible, ie.
bars, restaurants and hangouts.

From this mish-mash of book club staples, Tarslow concocts a wildly
unlikely tale of a man accused of shooting his boss in Las Vegas, who goes
on the lam with his Grandmother on a mission to toss the ashes of her dead
lover (a World War II commando who traveled the exotic countries of the
world) into the funnel of a tornado. Naturally, it’s a hit.
To qualify his book as ‘literary’ fiction, Tarslow realizes that the only
thing he needs is to “evoke confusing sadness” at the end of the book and
make sure his prose is defined as being “lyrical” on the back cover (or
“resembling bad poetry,” as he puts it).

SCORCHED EARTH
In short, you’ll never read the likes of Jim Harrison again without a
laugh and a twinge of recognition after reading Hely’s scorched-earth
satire. Even Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, Herman Melville and F. Scott
Fitzgerald are pictured in a new light as authors who pandered to the
popular tastes of their times.
But it’s also true that the know-it-all Tarslow proves to be too smart for
his own good. His presumptions about books and “phony’ authors lead to
apocalyptic results at Polly’s wedding as well as a fiery confrontation
before a live audience with the crusty old “con man” Preston Brooks.
Author Steve Hely was a writer for The Late Show with David Letterman and
with the animated comedy American Dad. His book is in the same league as
Christopher Buckley’s Thank You for Smoking and the best satires of the
’00s. Ultimately, How I Became a Famous Novelist lands on a dime as
Hely’s young writer-antihero comes to a revelation about not only what’s
‘wrong’ with bestselling fiction, but also what’s right about the written
word and why novels matter.


 
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 
 

 

 
 
 
Close
Close
Close