Letters 10-24-2016

It’s Obama’s 1984 Several editions ago I concluded a short letter to the editor with an ominous rhetorical flourish: “Welcome to George Orwell’s 1984 and the grand opening of the Federal Department of Truth!” At the time I am sure most of the readers laughed off my comments as right-wing hyperbole. Shame on you for doubting me...

Gun Bans Don’t Work It is said that mass violence only happens in the USA. A lone gunman in a rubber boat, drifted ashore at a popular resort in Tunisia and randomly shot and killed 38 mostly British and Irish tourists. Tunisian gun laws, which are among the most restrictive in the world, didn’t stop this mass slaughter. And in January 2015, two armed men killed 11 and wounded 11 others in an attack on the French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo. French gun laws didn’t stop these assassins...

Scripps’ Good Deed No good deed shall go unpunished! When Dan Scripps was the 101st District State Representative, he introduced legislation to prevent corporations from contaminating (e.g. fracking) or depleting (e.g. Nestle) Michigan’s water table for corporate profit. There are no property lines in the water table, and many of us depend on private wells for abundant, safe, clean water. In the subsequent election, Dan’s opponents ran a negative campaign almost solely on the misrepresentation that Dan’s good deed was a government takeover of your private water well...

Political Definitions As the time to vote draws near it’s a good time to check into what you stand for. According to Dictionary.com the meanings for liberal and conservative are as follows:

Liberal: Favorable to progress or reform as in political or religious affairs.

Conservative: Disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditions and limit change...

Voting Takes A Month? Hurricane Matthew hit the Florida coast Oct. 6, over three weeks before Election Day. Bob Ross (Oct. 17th issue) posits that perhaps evacuation orders from Governor Scott may have had political motivations to diminish turnout and seems to praise Hillary Clinton’s call for Gov. Scott to extend Florida’s voter registration deadline due to evacuations...

Clinton Foundation Facts Does the Clinton Foundation really spend a mere 10 percent (per Mike Pence) or 20 percent (per Reince Priebus) of its money on charity? Not true. Charity Watch gives it an A rating (the same as it gives the NRA Foundation) and says it spends 88 percent on charitable causes, and 12 percent on overhead. Here is the source of the misunderstanding: The Foundation does give only a small percentage of its money to charitable organizations, but it spends far more money directly running a number of programs...

America Needs Change Trump supports our constitution, will appoint judges that will keep our freedoms safe. He supports the partial-birth ban; Hillary voted against it. Regardless of how you feel about Trump, critical issues are at stake. Trump will increase national security, monitor refugee admissions, endorse our vital military forces while fighting ISIS. Vice-presidential candidate Mike Pence will be an intelligent asset for the country. Hillary wants open borders, increased government regulation, and more demilitarization at a time when we need strong military defenses...

My Process For No I will be voting “no” on Prop 3 because I am supportive of the process that is in place to review and approve developments. I was on the Traverse City Planning Commission in the 1990s and gained an appreciation for all of the work that goes into a review. The staff reviews the project and makes a recommendation. The developer then makes a presentation, and fellow commissioners and the public can ask questions and make comments. By the end of the process, I knew how to vote for a project, up or down. This process then repeats itself at the City Commission...

Regarding Your Postcard If you received a “Vote No” postcard from StandUp TC, don’t believe their lies. Prop 3 is not illegal. It won’t cost city taxpayers thousands of dollars in legal bills or special elections. Prop 3 is about protecting our downtown -- not Munson, NMC or the Commons -- from a future of ugly skyscrapers that will diminish the very character of our downtown...

Vote Yes It has been suggested that a recall or re-election of current city staff and Traverse City Commission would work better than Prop 3. I disagree. A recall campaign is the most divisive, costly type of election possible. Prop 3, when passed, will allow all city residents an opportunity to vote on any proposed development over 60 feet tall at no cost to the taxpayer...

Yes Vote Explained A “yes” vote on Prop 3 will give Traverse City the right to vote on developments over 60 feet high. It doesn’t require votes on every future building, as incorrectly stated by a previous letter writer. If referendums are held during general elections, taxpayers pay nothing...

Beware Trump When the country you love have have served for 33 years is threatened, you have an obligation and a duty to speak out. Now is the time for all Americans to speak out against a possible Donald Trump presidency. During the past year Trump has been exposed as a pathological liar, a demagogue and a person who is totally unfit to assume the presidency of our already great country...

Picture Worth 1,000 Words Nobody disagrees with the need for affordable housing or that a certain level of density is dollar smart for TC. The issue is the proposed solution. If you haven’t already seen the architect’s rendition for the site, please Google “Pine Street Development Traverse City”...

Living Wage, Not Tall Buildings Our community deserves better than the StandUp TC “vote no” arguments. They are not truthful. Their yard signs say: “More Housing. Less Red Tape. Vote like you want your kids to live here.” The truth: More housing, but for whom? At what price..

Home · Articles · News · Features · State of Man: Our therapist...
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State of Man: Our therapist will see us now

Jodee Taylor - August 18th, 2014  

Is today’s man more sensitive than his 20th century counterpart? More independent? More invested in marriage and relationships or less? We asked an expert.

Greg Holmes is a clinical psychologist, practicing for more than thirty years in Traverse City. He has a bachelor’s degree and doctorate from Michigan State University, and a master’s from Central Michigan University. He’s seen many changes in the “state of man,” from gender roles to economic roles to parenting roles. And, he’s seen some things that will never change.

EXPRESS: What’s the biggest change you’ve seen in 30 years of practice?

HOLMES: There are so many socioeconomic changes now that really challenge us in our thinking: What is a man? A man’s identity, traditionally, has been so wrapped up in what he does as a provider, that with these cultural shifts - more women in the workplace, equality in the workplace - that is difficult for some men to adjust to. (Or) because of education, the woman is able to go outside the home and make more money than the man. They’ve had to adjust to that, they both have to adjust to that.

EXPRESS: How many men do you see in your practice?

HOLMES: Many more women percentage-wise seek counseling than men. National average is 2 to 1, but it’s actually higher than that. About two-thirds of people who seek psychotherapy are women. In my practice it’s 60 to 70 percent women. The men who come in, half of them are “encouraged” by a woman to get help for a problem. Most of what brings them in, from what I see, is relationship issues.

EXPRESS: What are the issues?

HOLMES: In general, women tend to ... internalize too much, whereas men can, or tend to, externalize too much. So you can imagine a relationship between someone who internalizes and blames themselves, right?

And someone who externalizes and tends to blame other people or situations. You can imagine how that would play out.

EXPRESS: Is that nature or nurture?

HOLMES: First of all, we come out of the box different, genetically. And then gender wise, there are differences. And then there are cultural differences. And men are, in general, more hesitant to admit to any problem.

We’re encouraged to do that. Men, as boys, are encouraged … to be “a man,” you know, “Step up and be a man.” Do we ever hear, “Be a woman”?

EXPRESS: What are men’s biggest fears today? HOLMES: I go along with John Steinbeck on this. He said our greatest fear isn’t death. Our greatest fear is rejection. For men and women, our greatest fear is that we’ll be rejected.

EXPRESS: How about their greatest joys?

HOLMES: You know, it’s different for every person but there is, available to men — and women — a lot of joys, a lot of simple pleasures. We’re told in our culture that the road to happiness is you have to make a lot of money and buy a lot of things and that doesn’t create happiness at all. So we spend a lot of our time engaged in activities that don’t really bring us joy. If we can slow down, be simple, take a look at what we really need, what really brings us joy and happiness, that would be a great thing.

EXPRESS: How do we have successful relationships?

HOLMES: The key to a successful relationship is to understand that it is impossible to argue a need or a feeling. I watch people do that, I hear about people doing that, I’ve heard about people doing that for 30 years. An easy way for people to understand, for people to get it is, if you say you’re cold, who’s to say you’re not cold, who’s to say you’re hot? If you say you need something, who’s to say you don’t need that? It goes nowhere.

This goes back to differences. The key to a successful relationship is to acknowledge, understand and respect differences, whether it’s between two people, two countries, two religions or whatever.

The other key…is honesty. Who’s the biggest enemy men have? Themselves. Until they square up with themselves, they will never have what they could have in other relationships. They can blame other people all day long, they can blame the driver ahead of them that’s too slow, the person who didn’t get their order right in a restaurant or their boss or their wife or their kids, but until they square up with themselves, things just aren’t going to change.

EXPRESS: Any tips for fathers raising their kids?

HOLMES: The big one is time, spending time with your children. And I don’t mean quality time. That’s a phrase we’ve invented to assuage our guilt. I mean quantity. And spend it with them in a way that they would like to spend it with you and being curious about your child.

EXPRESS: How can you find a soulmate?

HOLMES: For men and women, during our 20s, we’re really still developing our own identity. That’s why they call the 20s the “tryout 20s.” Another thing is, there are a lot of assumptions people make about what marriage is going to be like. There are things that are rarely talked about, the specifics: Money, religion, in-laws, how they’re going to raise their kids. The devil is in the details. It’s a difficult gig, even when you talk about it. It’s an impossible gig when you don’t.

EXPRESS: Final words?

HOLMES: I went to a retreat a few years ago and the Zen master said, “Imagine you’re in a spaceship, just floating through space. Now imagine something goes terribly wrong. You try and try but you realize you can’t fix it. You won’t be able to go home. At that point, you might pray for a miracle and what would that miracle be? That you’d be on Earth again, that you could touch your wife, your daughter, your son. That miracle exists now, but we don’t realize that it’s a miracle

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