Saying Goodbye

Oct. 19, 2014

Options Aim to Ease Grief Over Loss of a Pet

It’s never easy saying goodbye to a member of the family, even if that family member has four legs. Yet, as pets age more rapidly than people, it’s inevitable. And those who service the pet owners say it’s not easy for them either.

"I have taken in pets [for euthanization] for owners because they just couldn’t do it," says Dawn Fitch of Dawn’s Tendercare Pet Sitting.

Fitch visits and cares for pets in their homes throughout Leelanau County when their owners are away. She says she may actually be the one who tells the pet owners that it’s time.

"Sometimes it’s way past due. I’ve left notes that say "˜Abby’s not doing well and you’ve really got to think about it’," says Fitch. "It’s about their quality of life."

Area veterinarians face the task of actually carrying out the euthanasia. Dr. Bruce Cozzens of Traverse City’s BayWest Animal Clinic says his approach is based on the relationship he has with the owners and their pets.

"It depends on whether it’s a client I’ve known a long time or a new person," he says. If it’s a longtime client, then they’ve already begun the dialogue. "It’s a joint discussion. There are always questions."

If it’s a new client, Cozzens first offers to do a physical to determine what is causing the problem the owners have noticed. Then comes the hard part. If he determines the condition is terminal, Cozzens has to break the news. He can offer different options, but he’s always forthright with the clients.

"I tell them we can try new meds, but the chances of failing are better than the chances of succeeding," he says. Or he tells them they need to get very aggressive with treatment or just stop altogether. "Sometimes no matter how much money you spend, they’re just not going to get any better."

That was the case for Moose. Mike Buhler of Glen Arbor found out that his much-loved weimaraner had a malfunctioning kidney, despite being only eight years old.

"He had his teeth cleaned and they did a blood draw. His kidneys weren’t functioning," says Buhler.

Over the next few days, he saw the dog’s energy decreasing. He seemed happy at night, but in the morning he wasn’t getting up. "At 9 o’clock in the morning he was curled up in the same position he was at midnight," says Buhler.

Less than two weeks after his diagnosis, Buhler took Moose for his final ride.

"It’s hard, but at least I got to prepare for it a little bit," he says.

Once the die is cast, there are more options than there used to be. Grieving owners can remember their pet with anything from buttons to having their animals cremated and the ashes returned to them.

"We do whatever we can to help out in a time of loss," says Mike DePuy of Oakwood Memorial Pet Service in Maple City. Oakwood offers three different levels of cremation service ranging from a private cremation with the remains returned to the family, along with a Certificate of Passing; to a cast paw print, fur clipping and a few comforting poems; to a group cremation, which is less costly but does not return the remains to the family. Oakwood also has a Memorial Garden currently under construction.

Kerri Collier of Great Lakes Pet Memorial & Crematory says that, although they are rare, they’ve even gone so far as to offer a pet funeral. "We’ve only had two people choose a service," she says.

They have a Farewell Room where owners can post photos of their pet and even have their pet’s remains displayed. She says that, over the years, the process of cremation has become more popular.

"Some cities have rules against burying." Both Collier and DePuy say they have pre-planning services available, which can help with pricing, as well as deciding which options are best.

Pianist and vocalist Peter Bergin has played at numerous funerals over the years. Currently the music director at St. Philip Neri Catholic Church in Empire, he’s now offering a similar service to pet owners.

"As a music minister, I’m working with grieving families all the time," he says. "There’s a group at the Humane Society that does an annual pet memorial. I’m happy to provide music for them. I grew up with pets and when people go through a loss it can help them to grieve."

As long as people continue to love their pets, they’ll continue to be heartbroken when they die. Cozzens says people should keep that in mind when they select their animals. Large breed dogs have shorter life spans than small breeds or than cats. In addition to living longer, smaller breeds eat less and, subsequently, their care costs less too.

"Great Danes, Newfies–they’ll live to be six to eight. It can seem like you’re just getting to know them and they’re gone. Toy poodles, Chihuahuas–they can live 18 years."

Buhler says he opted not to be with Moose when he was put to sleep. "The dog doesn’t know. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. It was way better than bawling my eyes out."

Bergin says he knows that the death of a pet is not the same as losing a relative, but when animals are loved and are with their owners for years, "it’s still a loss."