The Donald vs. The Bernie

July 16, 2015

Both Democrats and Republicans now have attention-grabbing outliers running for president. They have increased the campaign entertainment value considerably, albeit in completely different ways.

Let’s compare The Donald and The Bernie. We might as well start with immigration.

Donald Trump "loves the Mexicans" despite claiming their government is "sending us" rapists and murderers. He claims we currently have no border and he will build an "impenetrable wall" and make Mexico pay for it. Yes we do, no you won’t, no they won’t.

Trump’s new anti-immigration pal is Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, Arizona’s contribution to needless racism. Arpaio is currently facing contempt of court hearings for having admittedly ignored a court order to stop racially profiling Latinos. As a bonus, Arpaio recently acknowledged his attorney hired a private detective to follow the wife of the judge in the case. He could actually end up in his own jail.

Bernie Sanders supports comprehensive immigration reform, including amnesty, but opposes guest worker programs (he says bringing people here to work for an inadequate minimum wage isn’t fair) and skilled worker visas (most of the companies hiring those workers are also among the biggest outsourcers of American jobs, according to Sanders).

Trump claims he will "bomb the hell" out of the Iraqi oil fields to deprive ISIS of funding. Never mind that destroying that Iraqi infrastructure would make it easier for the bad guys to fill the void. Or that ISIS is getting most of its money from Libyan oil, not Iraqi. Call him a bit adventuresome.

Sanders opposes our involvement in the Middle East, voted against the Iraq war and the Patriot Act and any other military entaglements. Call him a bit isolationist.

Trump sometimes says we should increases taxes for the rich and sometimes says we should lower their taxes.

Sanders believes in dramatically higher tax rates for the top 2 percent of income earners, up to a whopping 90 percent. He would also increase taxes on capital gains earnings and slap large fees on hedge fund operators and investment houses. He would use the new tax revenues for infrastructure repairs and improvements and to make college free. There is zero chance any of that will happen.

Trump supports universal healthcare or not. Depends on the day, apparently.

Sanders supports cradle-to-grave, single-payer universal healthcare. He believes the Affordable Care Act didn’t go far enough. He proposes more tax increases for the rich to pay for it.

Donald Trump is a capitalist. Bernie Sanders is a real, live socialist who was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives as a socialist (he was elected to the U.S. Senate as an Independent and caucuses with the Democrats).

Trump’s big strength is we know where he stands, right? Maybe not.

Trump was pro-choice but is now pro-life. He said Hillary Clinton was "great" but now says she is "a total disaster." He praised President Obama’s bailout programs but now says they were "terrible." He says he pays the lowest taxes he can but once proposed the government take 14.25 percent of the wealth of anyone worth more than $10 million (not a tax increase but a pure redistribution of people’s assets, an idea Bernie Sanders would like). He has said he supports universal healthcare coverage but now calls the Affordable Care Act, our first step in that direction, a "total lie."

Sanders’ big strength is he isn’t Hillary Clinton.

Trump doesn’t appear to like poor people. Sanders doesn’t appear to like rich people.

Trump makes accusations that aren’t true. Sanders makes proposals that aren’t possible.

Trump rages along from one onerous statement to the next. He most reminds us of the loudmouth at the bar who thinks he knows everything. We eventually move or leave.

Sanders is like an affable uncle who’s fun to be around at the holidays but is a little bit delusional. We eventually go to the movies.

Both are now drawing large, enthusiastic crowds. Trump speaks in anti-immigration states where the true believers applaud his nonsense and denigrate the people who harvest their food. Sanders speaks in college towns where students like the idea of a free education.

While entertaining, neither has a realistic chance of being elected. In fact, Republicans have seen this movie before. Remember Michele Bachmann, Herman Cain, Rick Perry, and Rudy Giuliani? They all had their brief moments in the political sun only to fade into the darkness (Perry is at it again this cycle and, one suspects, will have the same success he had four years ago).

Donald Trump is a narcissistic blowhard who has no platform other than whatever flies off the top of his head. Bernie Sanders is an engaging radical whose platform is so far left it’s nearly invisible from the middle.

Enjoy both while you can; neither will be around at the finish.