Wedding Traditions Morph and Change

Jan. 22, 2016

For years, the practice of lighting a unity candle has embodied the bride and groom’s commitment to making two lives one. While that custom continues, many are opting for other ways to express their promise to one another, such as blending sand.

“We call it a sand ceremony,” said Barb Ellis of the Homestead Resort in Glen Arbor, a popular destination wedding site. Some use sand from the resort’s own Lake Michigan beach, others opt for colored sand, some for something with personal significance.

“It’s a little different for everyone,” she said. “Some mix a color for the bride and for the groom — maybe it’s sand from a cottage or favorite beach.”

Another option is putting the sand into a container with special significance. There too Ellis has seen some unique choices, including monogrammed initials, a nautical globe, even an empty beer growler.

“It’s something unique for them,” she said. Couples don’t stop there. “That’s one of a lot of different things, like blending wine — red and white poured together — and drinking the combination,” said wedding planner Madeleine Begley.

“Everyone has their own ‘two become one’ idea. When kids are involved, it’s a union of the families, not just two.”

Sometimes it’s just a matter of practicality.

“We have so many weddings outside, candles are not a good idea,” agreed Mitzie Hoeh of Treetops Resort.

The latest twist she’s seen:

“Most recently we had a knottying — the string representing life. You can blend lots of things. People have made it their own.”

Another change is that many couples are shunning the standard seating incorporating a bride’s side and a groom’s side, and instead integrating friends and family.

“Take a seat, not a side,” said Begley.

What about the reception? The long-standing tradition of the bride and groom opting for a romantic first dance is another that’s seeing a transformation. Instead of a simple slow dance, some couples are choosing a tango or salsa. Others are preparing intricate showstopping choreography, sometimes featuring all the members of the wedding party.

Other new traditions:

• Lots of smaller cakes, cheesecake, pie or another favorite sweet treat instead of a traditional wedding cake

• All fathers and daughters dancing, or including moms, instead of a father-daughter dance

• A signature cocktail, instead of a full bar

• A candy toss for the kids, instead of a bouquet and garter toss

• Once-forbidden black as a bridesmaid color

• Balloons released at the conclusion of the ceremony

One of the catalysts for change is the fact that many couples are now living together before getting married. Thus, some opt for walking down the aisle together to symbolize coming to the altar as equals.

The dowry-inspired tradition of the father of the bride footing the bill is ebbing in favor of a shared responsibility among families. The bride and the groom may also share in the financial commitment.

While bachelor parties and bridal showers are still popular, another gathering is gaining traction, particularly when people are converging from distant locales.

“In addition to a rehearsal dinner, some clients are hosting a mixer/meet-and-greet for all the people to get together,” said Ellis.

Such assemblages are usually less formal.

“It might be a bonfire at the shore where everybody can connect,” she said. That gives everyone a chance to chat with the bride and groom before the big day when things can become frenetic.

It’s also easier than ever for lay people to become certified as wedding offiants. Couples are turning more often to friends and family members to preside over their ceremonies.

One thing that hasn’t changed is that brides still carry bouquets, right? Actually, that tradition already changed once. Before flowers, brides carried aromatic bunches of herb, grains and even garlic for the purpose of driving away evil spirits.

Tradition had it that if a bride carried sage (the herb of wisdom) she became wise; if she carried dill (the herb of lust) she became passionate. Flower girls carried sheaves of wheat, a symbol of growth, fertility and renewal. Over time, these were gradually replaced with flowers, symbolizing fertility and everlasting love. Orange blossoms, for example, mean happiness and fertility; ivy means fidelity; lilies mean purity.