Letters

Letters 8-18-2014

The Climate Clarified

Climate change isn’t an easy subject. A class I’m taking compared it to medicine in a way that was helpful for me: Climate scientists are like planetary physicians. Our understanding of medicine is incomplete, but what we know is useful...

Beware Non-Locally Grown

The article “Farm Fresh?” couldn’t be any more true than exactly stated. As an avid shopper at the local farm markets I want to know “exactly” what I am buying, from GMO free to organic or not organic, sprayed or not sprayed and with what...

Media Bias Must End

I wish to thank Joel Weberman for his letter “Seeking Balanced Israel Coverage.” The pro-Palestinian bias includes TV news coverage...

Proud of My President

The world is a mess. According to many conservative voices, it would not be in such a mess if Obama was not the president. I am finally understanding that the problem with our president is that he is too thoughtful, too rational, too realistic, too inclined to see things differently and change his mind, too compassionate to be the leader of a free world...

Home · Articles · News · Features · You Know You‘re from...
. . . .

You Know You‘re from Northern Michigan When....

Express Staff - March 6th, 2003
-- November 15th is a holy day!
-- You go to a public place with “hat hair“ and don‘t care.
-- You collect unemployment.
-- There are two tribal and one county cop cars behind you with two officers in each car.
-- You wear shorts on a cold sunny day with an ear flaps hat.
-- There are dead animals on all of the walls (even in some bathrooms).
-- You keep a broom in your car to clear your windows.
-- Four-wheel-drive is the first feature you look for when buying a car.
-- You stay drunk nine months in a row.
-- The carpet in your house is always wet from your boots.
-- You can wear Sorel boots with a suit.
-- You leave town during the Cherry Festival.
-- You put snowshoes on to go to work.
-- Every restaurant serves steak & whitefish -- no ethnic food.
--- You get really fat in the winter.
-- The 10-year-olds outweigh you.
-- You‘ve never been to a black tie event.
-- The snow isn‘t gone until Memorial Day.
-- You‘re shoveling til midnight so you can get to work the next morning and you can‘t get the door open the next morning to get to your car.
-- Your best ski jacket is also your best dress-up coat.
-- You‘re wearing Michigan Rag apparel.
-- When “dressing up“ means a clean t-shirt.
-- You own the roads!
-- You‘re continually tailgated by young females.
-- It‘s completely understandable to have an umbrella, snow shovel and swimsuit in your vehicle all on the same day.
-- Your “toys“ are worth more than your house and car.
-- You never see your neighbors.
-- Hippies are around.
-- You ice fish (or try) in October.
-- You put snow tires on your car in September.
-- You can use your mullet as a scarf.
-- The Wings are on TV, it‘s a blizzard, and you‘re in the backyard barbecuing.
-- You wake up and you‘re not sure whether to put shorts on or a sweater.
-- You routinely end sentences with prepositions.
-- You have a D.U.I. on your record.
-- You can‘t find a good place to eat.
-- You can‘t find anything to do.
-- “Pop“ instead of “soda.“
-- You use the furnace and air conditioning in the same day.
-- Six months of bed sledding arrives.
-- You eat fudge.
-- You think slush is security.
-- You don‘t want to leave.
-- You wear a flannel thong.
-- Six inches of snow is a mild day.
-- You‘ve never been to a concert.
-- You jump out of a hot tub naked and roll around in the snow.
-- You‘re in 4-wheel-drive year-‘round.
-- The sand trucks drive backwards for ice storms.
-- You can spot a fudgie.
-- You drink more than you eat.
-- You car is plowed in by the snow plows.
-- You still don‘t get this whole area code thing“
-- You miss having snow.
-- Men wear baseball caps to nice restaurants.
-- You are no longer considered a fudgie.
-- You go to bed at 7:30 a.m.
-- You don‘t drive north on weekends.
-- You see four cops pulling someone over for speeding.
-- All there is to do is sit in a bar and get drunk.
-- You pack both long underwear and shorts for a weekend to Petoskey.
-- The top story on the TV news is that the snowplows will finally get on the road.
-- It‘s 40 degrees when you got to sleep and there‘s three feet of snow when you wake up.
-- It‘s the only place in America where there isn‘t a single rap artist.
-- You complain about traffic jams in Traverse City.
-- You have to wear a winter coat 10 months out of 12.
-- You disdain travel anywhere south of a line from Cadillac to West Branch
-- You wear socks to bead year-round.
-- You use recycled Northern Express kitty box liners to start the wood stove.
-- You pass on the right side of the road, don‘t use turn signals and drive too fast.
-- You go downstate to see all the negroes.
-- You drive like your politics, way too far to the right.
-- You slur vowels together to shorten your words.
-- You can breathe fresh air.
-- You don‘t plan for summer until it‘s here.
-- When the word “aye“ creeps into conversation.
-- Men wear baseball caps to the disco.
-- You don‘t get a glass for your beer.
-- You never know when the cherries are going to be ripe.
-- You can still see your breath in June.
-- You hold up your left hand and point to your fourth fingernail to describe where you live.
-- You can‘t fill in all of the categories in the “Best of“ survey because you‘re over 45, out of touch, and loving it.
-- Da Yoopers are your wedding band.
-- When your car won‘t make it up your driveway.
-- Cherries grow out of your ears.
-- You wear shorts in December because it‘s 40 degrees out.
-- You have four seasons in one day.
-- You could care less about Arabs, Iraqis and Israelis.
-- Getting a “Best“ award from the Express is as exciting as the Grammy.
-- You go to a party and everyone is playing euchre.
-- You describe a person by the car he drives.
-- Your car slides off the icy road in winter, and a truck stops to pull you out, and it‘s a guy you graduated from high school with whose mom you took piano lessons from when you were eight years old.
 
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