Robert Downes

Random Thoughts Robert Downes “It‘s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.“ -- R.E.M.

Have you heard about the Mayan Prophecy? New Age types have been talking about it for months on the Internet and radio talk shows such as “Coast-to-Coast,” which explores paranormal topics.
Apparently, before their civilization collapsed in Central America 1,000 years ago, the Mayans predicted that the world would end in the year 2012.
This is the date which coincides with the “end” of the Mayan calendar -- and the end of the world as we know it.

Features Robert Downes You feel good just walking into the office of Candy Chamberlain, N.D. And no wonder, because the air is filled with the uplifting, feel-good scents of aromatherapy, one of her specialties as a practitioner of naturopathic medicine.
Naturopathy is a form of health care that is both old and new to Northern Michigan. Old, in the sense that its tradition of using only natural plants, minerals and noninvasive therapies to heal goes back thousands of years. New, in that there are few certified practitioners in the region, and the field is little-known to most residents.
But that scenario is changing as more Americans seek holistic answers to their health problems.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes Hey brother, have you got the time for “Time Myth”? No? Didn’t think so.
It was a foregone conclusion that the controversial metal sculpture would never find a home on the waterfront of Traverse City’s Open Space park.
People would rather see the sailboats and seagulls. So three cheers for the TC Commission for giving the thumbs-down on parking this 29-foot-tall sculpture in front of our view of the bay.
In case you’re behind the time on this issue, “Time Myth,” which doubles as a sundial, is a “blue light special” from the wreckage of the Kmart corporation. Years ago, Kmart’s brilliant executives purchased “Time Myth” for $800,000 from Southfield sculptor John Piet for their headquarters in Troy. Then, after they succeeded in wrecking the company and the employees’ retirement plan, the execs bailed out with their pockets full of gold, leaving their successors with an art collection of dubious value.

Books Robert Downes If you’ve never read a graphic novel before, then “Black Hole” by Charles Burns is a wake-up call as to how disturbing and provocative these steroid-packed comic books can be.
Hailed as the masterwork of a comics superstar, “Black Hole” is a frightening trip into a nightmare of teenage anxieties, rendered with drawings that recall the darkness of both Rembrandt and Dracula.
The story involves a bizarre plague that infects a group of teenagers in the Seattle area during the 1970s -- a time when “it wasn’t exactly cool to be a hippie any more, but David Bowie was still just a little too weird.”

Region Watch Robert Downes Can you afford to live in the town where you work? Or, are you forced to live far out of town where housing is more affordable?
That‘s one of the issues to be addressed at an upcoming conference on “Creating Housing Choices“ in northwest Michigan.

Features Robert Downes Do you have a beautiful home that’s brimming with style, color and creativity? Have you ever dreamed of having it featured in magazines such as Better Homes & Gardens, Cottage Living, Home Magazine or Midwest Living?
If so, photographer Jim Yochum is looking for you.

Books Robert Downes Is your relationship cosmically stressed out? Is a meteor shower of
hassles and time-pressure tearing up your world of love and commitment?
Is your rocket to romance stalled on the launching pad because you can’t
choose between Mars and Venus as a destination?
If so, you may wish to consult “Why Mars & Venus Collide,” the latest
self-help book for relationships by space explorer and love coach John
Gray.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes Dear Northern Michigan Men,
Many of you will be in ladies‘ underwear this week.
Not literally, of course, but browsing the lingerie department in stores around the region for that ‘special something’ for Valentine’s Day.
I remember a packed Men’s Night at a lingerie shop a year ago. Grown men were elbowing each other out of the way, debating the pros & cons of silky bustiers, thongs, teddies and lacy bra & panty combinations. And frankly, they were having a blast.
The chatter in the store was along the lines of: “Do you think she’ll look better in the polka dot combo or red satin? What about something sheer and silky in chartreuse? Hmmm...”
For men, the fun of shopping for lingerie is imagining how our lady will look in the fur-trimmed negligee with the pom-pom ball tassels that we picked out all by ourselves. Or the thrill that will light up her eyes when she tries on that scratchy nylon saloon girl’s outfit that was popular on “Gunsmoke” 50 years ago.
Ahem. That’s why some of us have learned to ‘keep it simple, stupid’ when shopping for sweet nothings. Something sensual but semi-tasteful, and always keep the receipt in case that lace fantasy is too tight, too big, or not her color, and inspires more thoughts of the return counter than romance.
And back it up with a box of chocolates or a red rose, just in case.

Your Valentine Pal -- Bob

Random Thoughts Robert Downes Are you kicking up your heels at the thought of your tax rebate this spring?
Yeah, sure.
But do you think the extra goodies in the mail are going to solve America’s economic problems? Probably not.
Congress has crafted an economic rescue package which will provide tax rebates of $600 for each taxpaying American, with $1,200 for married couples, plus $300 per child. That will mean a check in the mail to 117 million families.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes There’s not much left to tell: I spent a week kicking around Malaysia in the horrible heat and humidity, lounging on the beaches on the isle of Penang and enjoying hikes in the jungle with my monkey and butterfly friends. Then came the urban jungle of Singapore, alleged to be the “most boring city in the world.”

Random Thoughts Robert Downes Clickety-clack, down the track. If you ever go to Vietnam, the Reunification Express is a good way to see the country, running some 900 miles between Hanoi and Saigon.
The tracks were bombed to smithereens during the war, but were rebuilt with help from the Russians in the late ’70s. India donated some hand-me-down trains, some of which are still on the rails. Today, the train is packed with both western tourists and Vietnamese, poking along at around 40 mph.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes A young soldier waves to me at the 1,000-year-old Temple of Literature in Hanoi and asks if he can have his photo taken with the funny looking Westerner wearing a cowboy hat. Hell yeah.
Soon, I’m posing with half a platoon of Vietnamese soldiers with our arms over each others’ shoulders in a grip & grin shot. They’re all smiling from ear-to-ear. It’s an eerie feeling, because a generation ago, these kids would have been mortal enemies of the gringo in their midst.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes You hear American music everywhere you go in Asia, and see American films and TV. There’s a “Texas Hold ’Em” pinball machine in the restaurant at my hotel, and a McDonald’s right downstairs. But one thing I haven’t found are any living, breathing citizens of the United States.
There were mobs of us in Prague, back in the Czech Republic, but after that, it was as if the people from Tennessee, Texas, Alabama and Ohio all dropped off the map. I saw a tour bus of them in Egypt, with my countrymen hidden behind black windows and sheltered in the fortified Hilton on the Nile behind armed guards -- they might as well have been traveling in a Thermos. But I haven’t found any mingling with the hordes of Swedes, Germans, Russians, Finns, Spaniards, Aussies and New Zealanders that you find everywhere here in Backpacker Land. So far, I’ve met just two others: nurses Helen and Jason, who were on my tour in Egypt.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes If you go traveling around the world in search of paradise, you are likely to be sadly disappointed. Every time you see a beautiful beach or a waterfall in a travel brochure, all it means is that the photographer was able to sweep thousands of tourists out of the way long enough to grab a shot before they all came flooding back again. We travelers tend to love beautiful places to death.

Such was the case at Patong Beach on the island of Phuket in southern Thailand, where I’m continuing my slow journey around the planet. I had expected Patong to be a bustling place, but thought there would at least be some sandy lanes and secluded beaches to enjoy. Instead, there are thousands of shops and restaurants here, packed like a train wreck into a two-mile strip of beach, with tens of thousands of tourists from all over the world: Russia, England, Germany, Australia, India -- but again, no Americans that I’ve seen.

Random Thoughts Robert Downes What could be finer than riding an elephant up a jungle trail under the cool green mountains of northern Thailand? The elephants stretch out in a long line down the trail, their ears flapping and bodies swaying in the sun. Far below, a river crashes in a wild torrent through a jungle canyon. And the palm trees along the trail explode with the green fire of the sun. I’m swept away by a vision beyond my wildest dreams.
It’s just another day on Planet Backpacker, and one of the best, I might add. They’re not all this good: sometimes you’re covered with mosquito bites, wondering if you’ll contract Dengue fever (aka: “bone-crushing fever”), or stuck for 16 hours in a dismal airport lounge. Or scrambling around after midnight in a strange town and an unfriendly neighborhood, looking for a place to crash.
But that’s the gig, and I’ve gotten to know the backpacking brotherhood (and sisterhood) quite well in the past three months on my way around the world. Life on Planet Backpacker is a world with its own customs, capitals and highways.