Advice from “Old Married Couples”

The secret(s) to happily ever after

You know those couples who, even decades after they said “I do,” still walk down the street hand in hand? Or laugh over a couple of pints at the local brewery? Or cruise by on the TART Trail with friends and family?

We want to grow up to be them. More importantly, we want to grow up to have those thriving, long-lasting relationships that make even the bad days a little better. So we turned to the “old married couples” of northern Michigan for their advice.

Combined, these 16 couples have relationships that have lasted 750 years! Read on for their pearls of wisdom for a happy, healthy marriage.

DIAMOND CLUB (60+ YEARS)

Lee & Joy, Charlevoix
Married 67 years
Make plans together. Never go ahead on something without including the other spouse, whether it is about money, travel, moving, buying a house, etc. It helps to have the same interests.

Susan & Larry, Central Lake
Married 61 years
After being married over 61 years, marrying young, and still enjoying our 80s together, we both agree that forgiveness is of vital importance in a marriage. Also, learn to compromise whenever possible, and always put your partner first above anything else, except God. Our three sons and their families mean the world to us. We are blessed to hopefully be celebrating 62 years this coming June.

GOLD CLUB (50+ YEARS)

Dan & Sandy, Traverse City
Married 59 years
Both of us grew up in Traverse City and graduated from TC Senior high. We will celebrate 60 years this June. Remember to have fun together. Pick your battles. Nothing comes easy, and you must work at keeping your time together fun. The love we have kept all these years makes our hard health times easier with memories and lots of laughter.

Elizabeth & Dennis, Traverse City
Married 55 years
We have come a long way in five-plus decades, and it seems like just 10 years have gone by. It goes by fast, so hang on and enjoy every moment you can. We set out goals each year by remembering our past years together. I kept a diary—which has been loads of fun, comical, and frightening at times—of all the things we used to do. Love gets stronger by the day, month, and year, and we never forget. It seems you become one person, knowing each other’s enjoyment and needs. Laugh all you can and try not to forget things you did in your lifespan. And always remember: Happiness is always homemade, just like a pie! Love to all on Valentines Day!

Roxanne & Richard, Manistee
Married 55 years
We married pretty young; I was 19 and he was 20. Our young love has also deepened into a great friendship as well. We both come from large families without a lot of money, so we were used to hard work. It helped that we both had realistic expectations in our marriage. And we supported each other in our career goals. We have raised two terrific children, had jobs we enjoyed, and we have traveled to many of our dream places. So my advice is to marry your friend, as well as your lover; be willing to work hard on your relationship; and be supportive of each other.

Rose & Mark Muniak, Boyne City
Married 54 years
Show respect for your spouse. Be able to adapt to the numerous changes that happen in a relationship over the years.

Carolyn & William, Williamsburg
Married 52 years
We have found that saying “thank you” for even the smallest gestures throughout the years keeps things civil, even when you are hot under the collar. We try to tell each other a joke a day; sometimes they are inside jokes, which would only make us smile, not anyone else. We always kiss goodnight, even if our “hot collar” might not be fully repaired. We don’t buy presents for each other anymore because we are in the age group of trying to get rid of stuff; however, we still try to invent adventures for us to experience. We are a good team at dividing up the various chores, and early on in our marriage made the goal of doing them without procrastination so we could go have fun together. Fun together is still our goal, and chores don’t go away, so that goal has stayed the same!

Greta & Craig, Thompsonville
Married 50 years
Give your relationship some time. Take the time and ask the questions to make sure you share the same values and plans re: politics, money, children, family loyalty, friendships, how and where to live, jobs and careers, sex, pets, substance use, and personal independence to pursue individual goals and dreams. You can live together as we did for two years or do a deep dive during a long engagement. These issues will not get solved after marriage, and people do not really change. If you see big gaps, move on. It might hurt, but not like divorce.

Keep your money separate. Even after 50 years, we do an accounting every month. If one of us owes money to the other for joint expenses incurred, we write a check. Personal expenses are separate—clothes, haircuts, cars, etc. As a result, we have only had one fight about money in 50 years.

Don’t let wedding planning blind you to the reality of marriage. Dress, flowers, cake, DJ, dancing, etc. last for a day and cost a fortune. Good marriages last a lifetime. Forget the bridal dance and spend the money on a great honeymoon and a place to start your life together. Marriage is work, not a party. Go into it with your eyes wide open. If you feel uncertain, listen to that. Be sure. It’s probably the most important decision you will ever make.

Stu and Sharon, Suttons Bay
Married 50 years
Stu’s secrets: My wife and I have been married 50+ years. I think one of the reasons for our success is that we went to high school together. Although we ran in different circles, we had many common friends (and still see many of them), common experiences, and common music (very important). Having this common experience comes in very handy! I realize that you can’t limit your search to a high school chum, but the point is to have common history if possible (i.e., same college or junior college, etc.). I think the key is to have a shared group of friends or experiences before tying the knot.

Sharon’s secrets: Listen to each other. Put away distractions (cell phones, etc.) during conversations. Talk to each other. Don’t hold things in and let them fester. Take a "time out" when angry (count to 10).

RUBY CLUB (40+ YEARS)

Catherine & John Doud, Traverse City
Married 49 years
We are celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary this August! If asked for our advice on what makes a happy marriage, my husband John says this: “Always put your family first; don't compare yourself to or be envious of others; and always be willing to compromise in times of disagreement.”

My advice is: “Count your blessings, and always say thank you for the little things your spouse does for you; say I love you a lot, and don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry.” We both agree that a hefty dose of humor always helps—keep laughing and doing fun things together. And one last piece of advice I always give my husband: “Taste it before you salt it!”

Alan & Deanna, Traverse City
Married 43 years
Give heartfelt compliments to your spouse often and let them know you love them everyday in words and actions. Let the little fish go (let the little annoyances go).

Caron & Jim, Interlochen
Married 43 years
The Hug decade: Newlyweds don’t generally need meddler advice because most everything is disentangled with hugging. The Plow decade: First-decade couples are incredibly hard-working with little time for putting an end to deep challenges. The Etcetera decade: The second-decade marriages pledge to the work for longevity considering they are annoyed with recycled arguments and difficulties. The Patience decade: Third-decade marriages have figured out communication and are more experienced when selecting what’s significant enough to confront and remarkable enough to realize.

The Optimistic decade: Fourth-decade marriages have time to look back to hugging through challenges years, to misplacing each other during the commotion years, and to deciding to give a positive response to struggles. We’re in year 43; we mostly adore each other and we have challenges too. The best advice is don’t take advice—figure it out as a couple and be proud of yourselves for succeeding.

Bob & Donna, Honor
Married 42 years
A love of nature and the great outdoors (especially Michigan’s!), open and frequent communication, and a solid commitment to help each other have the best life experiences have been the bedrock of our 42 years of marriage (46 if you count the dating years). Tough times come and go just like the good times, so mindfully taking the journey together is what it’s all about for us.

THE “NEWER” OLD MARRIED COUPLES

Ginger & Greg, Traverse City
Married 37 years
My husband Greg and I met on a blind date set up by friends at a bowling alley. I was 16 and he was 17. In a lot of ways, I feel we grew up together and have been making our life together as we are figuring it out. We are very connected and I once mentioned I slipped on sidewalk ice downtown and he said he fell on ice at his job site at the same time. Our advice: always seek out common interests and ways to spend free time together whether it’s activities, meals, or travels.

Deb & Gary, South Boardman
Married 29 years
In April we will celebrate 30 years of blissful times and times of utter horror. Thirty years of disagreeing without being disagreeable: no raised voices. Ever. Thirty years of putting “us” first, each time, every time has made for a solid, loving, hyper-productive team it is a joy to belong to.

Kim & Kevin, Traverse City
Married four years
We’re a couple who are old and married, however we’ve only been married to each other for four years. Between the two of us, we have been married, to other spouses, for over 40 years combined. The great anthropologist Margaret Mead believed that humans are not built to mate for life, as the first relationship is driven by passion, the second by the desire to build a family, and the third is for companionship.

The good news is that, while not being as fortunate as those who have endured together despite the odds, even if the first two relationships didn’t last, your true companion may be right in front of you. My husband and I appreciate one another even more due to our individual journeys and look forward to reaching at least 25 years together, god willing.

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