The Never-Lonely Hearts Club

When Charlie Lakritz settled his divorce last summer, a court official told him he wasn’t alone. In the year 2006, 500 divorces were granted, according to court records. That’s a lot of single people getting turned loose each year. Which begs the question: When a marriage doesn’t work out or a spouse passes away, where do these singles go to find dates or even friends?
Traverse City, Petoskey and Charlevoix may be great places to “raise a family,” as they say, but aren’t so great in terms of finding other singles.
The answer for Lakritz was a group called SAG–Spontaneous Activity Group. It’s not really a “singles” group, but more of a place to meet new friends with a wide range of interests, he said.
The group boasts a couple hundred reg-ulars and is built around a simple premise: members come up with a fun event they are willing to host, and post an invitation on the group’s blog. It’s a guaranteed turnout. With so many people, chances are you’ll find someone you’ll like, Lakritz said.
Lakritz, who works for Traverse Motors, said the group “saved his life” in a way that you know he really means it. He has two boys under the age of 11 and was friendless and lonely after getting a divorce last May. He and his wife had moved here three years ago and lived very closed-in lives. While she worked the night shift, he cared for the kids, and then he went to work in the morning. He soon realized after the divorce that he wanted some companionship. He initially tried Internet dating.
“That’s a hoax,” he said in his distinctive New York City accent.
“First of all you’re dealing with people who are writing about themselves. But when you meet them, they’re not anything like they say they are. The only true way to go is to personally meet them so that you can form your own opinion.”
Lakritz, 52, said he also tried speed dating (see the sidebar), which he said was a “blast,” but he wanted something more: friendship. And that’s what he found with SAG.
The group started five years ago when Liz Hawes, then 50, met up with some friends for a beach picnic at East Bay Park. They all had invited a couple of single friends and had a great time. They decided to meet again for potluck meals for the next several weeks. Each time, friends invited more single friends, and pretty soon they had a real singles group. Naturally, they called it A la Carte.
Mary Ann Valentino was an early member in the group, but she was looking for people to share her love of dancing. Another member, Duane, wanted to kayak.
“I thought nobody should be home by themselves, and everybody is looking to do something with somebody, but not necessarily with food,” she said. “So the group branched off into SAG, and it’s gotten very big!”
A couple of years ago, Marsha Myles began sending mass emails to let people know about activities (she had about 300 people on her email list, and Hawes had 300 on hers). Last year she wanted to take it to another level, so Lakritz volunteered to set up a blog. The blog–which is private and requires permission to access–is filled with stuff to do, ranging from bicycling to Sunday afternoon movies to weekly TGIFs and dog walks.
People in the group stress that SAG is as much about friends as it is about finding a romance. That’s because old friendships often fade when you lose a partner. “When you’re single, you don’t hang out with your married friends anymore: it doesn’t seem like you have that much in common. The friendship was based on a relationship with both you and your spouse, and there’s always that kind of history,” said Sue Nixon, a strong SAG participant.
Vicky Windish wrote this on the blog: “I lost my husband two years ago on February 10th. Our life was filled with family and friends every day. But, now, they find it too painful to visit me without him. So I would sit alone for months. A year later I meet this wonderful woman who said, ‘You have to come to our group–they are a great group of people. We do so many things together. It’s about friendships.’ My family sees what this group has done for me. They call it ‘My YOUTH GROUP.’ I’ve moved on, and very happily I might add.”
Nixon and several other women are organizing a red dress Valentine’s party, which she hopes will attract more men: “There are a lot more single women than men in the group. Maybe men are intimidated? I don’t know.”
Claudia Bantel said that members range from their early 40s to their mid-60s. Most of their children are grown and they’re free to do exactly what they want in the evenings and on weekends. And many aren’t particularly interested in getting married again.
“I do the single thing much better now than when I was 28 years old. Then I felt that I just had to be married. I thought it was this big goal,” Bantel said.
Bantel, who is widowed with two adult children, said she is organizing a group to go to a dermatology clinic where they’ll drink champagne, bemoan the sun damage on their skin, and talk about the plastic surgery that they’ll probably never get. She once organized a “goddess” party where a group of women learned provocative moves from a belly dancing instructor.
Lakritz said that he feels like he’s in high school again. He’s not only met tremendous friends, but also met Myriam Parker, who teaches French at Northwestern Michigan College. He first met her at a Christmas open house in December and then he talked to her again at his New Year’s party he hosted at his own house. They emailed, and now they’re dating. He’s in deep swoon.
“I swore I would never get involved again, but Myriam is awesome! She’s very, very special,” he said, patting his heart.

EDITOR’S NOTE: To find out about SAG’s next TGIF event, please email Charlie at ladeda@goowy.com, or just stop in Tuesday night at 7 p.m. for “$4 burgers and beer night” at Bubba’s on Front Street. Look for the group’s trademark balloon.


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