Random Thoughts

We‘re too cool already
Traverse City had a good day at the State’s giant slot machine last month when Governor Granholm’s “Cool Cities” campaign awarded $100,000 for projects that may seem more wasteful than wise to some.
You shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but consider: Most of the funds will be used to rent the vacant second floor of the Traverse Area Chamber of Commerce building to provide a place for entrepreneurs to cook up new business ideas.
Hmm... the last we heard, the State of Michigan was fighting for its life with a $920 million deficit. Is this the right time to be throwing money at a town that already attracts new business like a cider mill draws fruit flies?
Doesn’t a chamber of commerce, by definition, already seek out and help new business as part of its mission? Sounds like the grant was dreamed up by the Department of Redundancy Department.
And it makes you wonder why any entrepreneur worth a lick would need this service unless there are free donuts involved.
On the other hand, if the new institute brings a couple of medium-sized businesses to town before the State’s rent money runs out, it should recoup the $100,000 in the form of new jobs, payrolls, taxes and commerce. It takes money to make money, after all, so on balance it’s probably a good idea.
But wouldn’t it be a whole lot cooler if the Chamber just donated its empty, wasted space to our beleagured State and this worthy effort and spent the $100K helping 10 needy kids to get their college educations instead?
Now that would be cool.

Cool = Sprawl
The bigger question is how cool is the “Cool Cities” campaign for Northern Michigan in general?
Cool Cities is all about marketing. The idea behind Cool Cities is to fortify Michigan’s lackluster towns with a steroid cocktail of bike trails, coffeehouses, nightclubs, groovy art venues, 24/7 recreation, fun downtowns, hip waterfronts... in short, a yupster’s dream of the “cool” life in hopes of attracting high-tech industries that are hot off the grill of the global economy.
It’s a great idea for Battle Creek and Jackson, Saginaw, Flint, Bay City, Grand Rapids, Muskegon, St. Joe, Ypsilanti, Hamtramck, Detroit and just about anyplace you can think of south of Cadillac.
But we don’t need anyone waving the checkered flag of Cool Cities in the North because, frankly, we’re too cool already.
In a recent opinion piece in the Express, former Governor Bill Milliken noted that an estimated 50,000 new residents will move to the region over the next 15 years. It’s not hard to imagine that the number will be far higher, considering all of the strokes our region gets in the national press.
Ironically, the Michigan Land Use Institute is touting Cool Cities on one hand, while trying to limit sprawl on the other.
But you can’t have it both ways. You can’t invite 100 people to climb in your Geo Metro without the tires blowing out.
Las Vegas is a city that is less than 100 years old -- it’s younger than most towns in Northern Michigan. Today, however, it is also the fastest-growing city in the U.S. with 1.7 million residents and 35 million pleasure-seeking tourists. We too have a magnet destination here in Northern Michigan.
Let’s accept it as a possibility that Northern Michigan will become a sprawl city the size of Las Vegas by the time today’s high school graduates have grandchildren. A de facto, unincorporated city that spans 100 miles from Frankfort to Harbor Springs. After all, we’ve literally invited all of America to come and devour our beautiful beaches, forests, lakes and trails -- to eat our “small town charm” alive. Urban history shows that large numbers of people will take us up on that offer.
This spring, a busy-body outfit called Partners for Livable Communities announced that Traverse City, Grand Rapids and Marquette “have been ranked among America’s top places to live, work and play.” We‘re ranked as the fifth most liveable place in the U.S.
We need to be aware, however, that there are unpleasant consequences to being among “the best,” attracting thousands of new residents. With them come more sprawl, crime, traffic, police, firefighters, sewage and water demands all leaning on our small town infrastructure. How cool is that?
Some claim that the Cool Cities is intended to bring better paying jobs to the North. But the bitter pill we swallow when we choose to live here is also our salvation. The only reason we haven‘t been overwhelmed by people long ago is precisely because we have few jobs and low-paying ones at that. That‘s why this is a pleasant place to live, rather than a Cleveland of the North. No one moves here for the pay -- we live here for the beauty and the lifestyle. It‘s the price of admission.
Here, cool = sprawl. Unfortunately for us, we’ve got relatively expensive small cities to live in, but many miles of cornfields and woodlands available for new mobile home parks and subdivisions.
How cool will our region be once we literally run the scenery here through a woodchipper for all that new housing?

Potty talk
Personally, I think it would be a very cool thing indeed if there was a place to take a leak in downtown Traverse City other than the so-called Visitors Center which is conveniently closed whenever you’ve got to go. Petoskey has rest rooms in the heart of its downtown; why doesn’t Traverse City?
Some $10,000 of the new Cool Cities grant is slated for a “public art project” to be dreamed up by the Traverse Area Arts Council.
Idea: Put some tasteful bronze fish sculptures or other such Northern Michigan brick-brack on the side of a new $10,000 potty downtown and call it art. Legions of downtown visitors who are fit to bust for lack of a place to pee will think it’s just the coolest thing ever. I can hear them saying “Oooh!“ and “Ahhh!” now.




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