Me, My, Mine

Guest Opinion

When I was at a traffic signal the other day, I waited for the inevitable to happen. I was certain that someone would run the red light. Running through a red light has become such a common occurrence that for safety’s sake, it simply must be anticipated. Sure enough, a red truck fulfilled my prophecy as it barreled through the red light and the intersection.

There are two reasons for the increase in drivers violating the law. The first is obvious. The lack of staff has made enforcement of traffic infractions sporadic at best. Unfortunately, with fewer negative consequences, drivers believe that they can get away with traffic violations. And usually they do.

The second reason is less obvious and more disturbing. Drivers drive fast, run red lights, and ignore stop signs usually because they are in a hurry to get to the next thing on their to-do list. Any impediment to this goal, including “slow drivers” who actually obey the law, simply provokes impatience and frustration. There is little, if any, consideration for the safety and the needs of the other drivers.

Selfish? You betcha. Intentional? Doubtful.

It takes effort to shift our focus from ourselves to consider the needs and feelings of others. Surely we can’t be the only ones in a hurry to get things done.

Focusing exclusively on getting our needs met while refusing to consider the needs and feelings of others is referred to in the psychological literature as narcissism. Other people’s issues are seen increasingly as “their problem” and of little or no concern to us.

While it is important to develop an awareness of one’s own needs and to attempt to meet them, healthy relationships with others require a reciprocal, balanced understanding and effort to attend to both parties’ feelings and needs.

Unhealthy or excessive narcissism has a negative impact on relationships. By definition, a healthy relationship is the opposite of a one-way street and requires collaboration, empathy, and a genuine interest in what each person feels and has to say. This applies not only to the interactions between two people, but also geopolitical interactions between two or more countries.

What is perhaps most concerning about narcissism is that it has developed into an epidemic of selfishness over the past several decades. We want what we want when we want it. What other people or countries want or need has become less of our concern. The “me first” orientation is changing into a “me only” perspective.

This increasingly singular focus on ourselves and disregard for others is ultimately destructive in a world that requires greater communication and collaboration to address the substantial issues that we collectively face.

How did this epidemic of selfishness develop? Social scientists have identified several factors. The rapid rise in narcissism since the beginning of the 20th century has been attributed, in part, to significant changes in society. One important societal change was the rise in consumerism. Self-worth became measured in terms of what one had versus what one did for others and society.

A second major factor that has contributed to the increase of narcissism has been technology and the use of social media platforms. These platforms have amplified narcissistic behaviors through the encouragement of self-promotion. We’re eager to show the world on sites such as Facebook what we have, where we’ve been, and what we are doing. The question is, are we genuinely interested in what others have posted about themselves, or are we simply comparing ourselves to them?

Narcissism exists on a continuum between relatively normal self-interest to an extreme form that is referred to as a pathological personality disorder.

Some of the signs of pathological narcissism include a lack of empathy, an extreme need for attention, grandiose beliefs about one’s self-importance, feelings of entitlement, and preoccupation with fantasies of power and success. The pathological narcissist often wears a mask of self-importance, behind which they question their self-worth.

As a result, they become easily upset with others who are critical of them. If they are in a position of power, they will often attempt to seek revenge and punish those who criticize or oppose them.

The pathological narcissist is often exploitive of others who are simply seen as means to meet their own needs. The narcissist sees other people as either for them or against them with no one in the middle.

Given these criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, it is easy to see why many people, including mental health professionals, believe that Donald Trump exemplifies this disorder. What makes this particularly disturbing is that he has the power to punish people who are critical of him and that he does not hesitate to use it.

You may wonder why even Republican lawmakers refuse to confront Trump and challenge his ideas. Lisa Murkowski, the Republican senator from Alaska, put the reason succinctly: “We are afraid…”

There may be reasons to be afraid, but without the courage to confront Trump and challenge his ideas, it’s like not ticketing the aforementioned driver. Trump will believe he can get away with it. And he will.

Greg Holmes lives and writes in Traverse City.

View On Our Website