Meant to Be?

Guest Opinion

Have you ever felt a strong desire or need to do something different with your life, perhaps something that at first glance didn’t seem to make any sense?

Some people experience these feelings as a “yearning,” while others can even go so far as to state that they feel “called” by some unknown force to change their path and instead follow a road less traveled. These feelings can occur at any time in life and may increase not only in frequency but intensity depending upon whether or not you are happy or not with your current life path.

In his book The Soul’s Code, the Jungian psychoanalyst James Hillman asserted that there is something more than simple “nature or nurture” explanations of human development and behavior. Hillman believed instead that each individual comes into the world with a unique, individual energy (their soul’s code), which can be seen when they respond to their “calling and life’s work” if it is fully actualized. His theory and beliefs were highly controversial and subsequently rejected by the vast majority of his peers.

However, it is difficult to explain the experience that certain individuals have reported without referring to Hillman’s theories. Hillman gives several examples of famous individuals and documents how their early life experiences and subsequent adulthood were impacted by their “soul’s code.” Interestingly, some people experience a strong yearning or desire at an early age in childhood, and this can remain constant and unremitting for a lifetime.

Look, for example, at the biographies of the athletes at the recent Winter Olympics. It is not unusual to learn that an athlete became obsessed with the Olympics or a specific sport at an early age and consequently that sport became the primary focus of the child and their family. In the best case scenario, the parents recognize the importance of the child’s interests and passion and encourage them to pursue their dreams.

Unfortunately, this is often not the case. Why? It should not come as a surprise that parents often have their own wishes and fantasies about what their children should become and how they should go about achieving goals. The key problem here is that these stem largely from the needs of the parents, and not the needs of the child. Further complicating the issue is that the underlying parental needs are often unconscious or unspoken.

It can be very difficult, if not impossible, for the child to manifest their soul’s code in such a conflictual environment. Consider the case of Alysa Liu, the recent gold medalist. Although she was a gifted skater with a promising future, she walked away from the sport at age 16 when she realized she actually “hated” the training regimen she was subjected to. Specifically, as a 16-year-old who was constantly told what to do, she yearned for a more independent life where she could make her own life decisions. Like so many before her, she was not interested in living someone else’s life.

Ms. Liu did decide to return to skating at age 18 and declared then to her father and coaches that unlike before, this time around things were going to be done her way. Her decision to return to skating under her own terms was likely a key to her success and the joy that she now reportedly experiences.

We may never know all of the factors that influenced Ms. Liu, but I think it’s safe to assume that a strong passion for skating was a key part. And what role, if any, did her soul’s code play a part in influencing her passion and ultimate return to skating?

Contrast Ms. Liu’s story with that of “Steve” (not his real name). Steve sought out counseling after struggling with feelings of depression and anxiety that were related to his job. Although he was “successful” by the company standards, he was increasingly unhappy and wanted out but he did not feel he had any viable options.

When he was asked if he had any ideas when he was young of what he “wanted to be when he grew up,” he broke down crying. He explained he wanted to become a writer, but gave up that dream when it did not seem to be a viable choice.

A calling or yearning is important, and so is the courage to try to make it happen.

Perhaps similar experiences were hallmarks of your childhood, or are now important in the lives of your children. Regardless, paying attention to the calling—and putting in the work—can be a way toward discovery and freedom.

Greg Holmes lives and writes in Traverse City.

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