A Hopeful Place: House of Hope Provides a Last Chance to Save Troubled Girls

June 4, 2003

When Ellie and Harry Round began looking into establishing a Christian boarding school as part of their youth ministry several years ago, they learned a startling fact about the trials of adolescence. “We learned that there were a number of homes for boys in Michigan, but not for girls,“ Ellie recalls. “We were told that it‘s much harder working with girls -- the closest home was in Nashville.“
This September, however, House of Hope will celebrate its second year as a boarding school for troubled girls, ages 12-18, and a near-miraculous beginning that has blossomed into one of Traverse City‘s most respected institutions. Its staff will also reflect on the achievement of having worked with some 150 families from all over Northern Michigan and beyond in its residential and outreach programs -- and the fact that many of its families were at their rope‘s end prior to receiving some Hope-ful assistance.
Housed in a 6,000-square-foot home on 40 acres southeast of town, House of Hope currently boards 10 girls at a time for a period of 8-18 months, and is in the process of building several cottages which will allow the ministry to board 50 girls.

THE TRIALS OF YOUTH
Why are girls a particular challenge?
“For girls, the issues in life are more deeply embedded,“ says Ellie, executive director of the House. “You can tell boys where they‘re going wrong and they‘ll see it in a logical way -- they can see why their behavior is wrong and move on to other role models.
“But when girls have been wounded, they hang onto it -- they are deeply wounded. Abandonment is devastating to a girl -- they feel bitterness and rejection, and often when divorce is involved, an incredible sense of rejection.“
The absence of a father through work, divorce, alcoholism or emotional distance is often a factor.
“There are so many fatherless homes,“ Round says. “The dads either are not home or they‘re busy. We started seeing a pattern of young girls looking for love in all the wrong places. It doesn‘t take long to see them respond to compliments and appropriate comments from dads.“
Absent fathers aren‘t the only factor in a teen‘s alienation, however; many girls also have issues with their mothers or are over-extended by too much stimuli and demands: soccer, music lessons, work, school, friends, the internet, dating pressures, TV...
“We help them get rid of a lot of ‘busyness‘ -- they‘re so overextended they say yes to everything without knowing what the limitations are,“ Round says. “Parents take their kids to soccer and other activities, and that‘s all good, but very rarely do you find a family that has dinner together twice a week. There are no boundaries or structure.
“Most parents give up their rights and rules pretty early and easily, but girls ages 15, 16, 17 aren‘t old enough to be making adult decisions,“ she adds. “We‘ve had girls say they didn‘t want to make the decisions they chose.“

SAVE MY DAUGHTER
Teen problems can spiral out of control. “The first nine girls we worked with all came from attempted suicides from a psych ward in Grand Rapids,“ Round says. “That‘s when a lot of parents come to us -- as a last chance to save their daughters.“
Often, newcomers suffer from depression and attendant problems such as shoplifting, substance abuse and promiscuity. These teens may be getting into trouble for the simple fact that depressed persons suffer from lowered seratonin levels in the brain. Catching an ill-advised thrill can spike-up brain chemistry for some temporary relief from misery, but often at a personal price. “When they get depressed, they need to do something to get a high.“
How does House of Hope respond to such problems?
“The main thing we do at House of Hope is pour love on these kids and their parents,“ Round says. “A lot of them are not used to that -- they‘re used to people beating up on them.“
It‘s a tough love. For the first four weeks, there is no contact with parents to create a fresh start. “A lot of these girls have broken relationships with their parents and don‘t know how to fix them,“ Round notes.

LEARNING THE RULES
The first 30 days are spent learning the rules and to trust the staff. Girls bunk two-to-three in rooms where there are no TVs, computers or phones. For many, it‘s the first time ever sharing a room. Cigarettes and drugs, of course, are not allowed. Round accedes that it is a traumatic time for a new girl, but gradually, the newcomer fits in.
“They start to learn what appropriate relationships are. What is a girlfriend? What is a real friend? For many kids, their friends have become their families -- there are 13-year-olds making decisions without any input from adults.
“What‘s the one thing they struggle with more than anything else? Trust. Parents, teachers, government, church -- everywhere a teen goes, she sees hypocrisy. What we‘re trying to do is create a situation where she learns to trust you.“
The results can be soul-stirring.
“At the reunions between parents and their child you see tears of joy where before they couldn‘t stand the sight of each other,“ says Craig O‘Connor, directer of development. “Families come here to get restored and leave here as a whole family unit.“
Once the family is reunited, they are required to meet on campus three times a week for counseling sessions. Although House of Hope is nondenominational, it relies on biblical wisdom for its approach to counseling. “One thing that‘s important about the House of Hope is its spiritual side,“ O‘Connor says. “We do believe that God can heal a broken heart. God helps the girls reclaim their innocence and rebuilds their family.“

LOOKING BACK
Ellie, the former owner of Pavlova‘s hair salon in Traverse City, and Harry, an electrician, have learned a great deal about teens first-hand in their youth ministry. Even when she was heading-up the salon, Ellie was committed to the idea of helping kids.
“God was telling me for ten years that we were going to help teens in a ministry,“ she says. “And I kept praying for ten years. We started a basement home ministry for families six years ago and then the Faith Reform church gave us a building at Garfield and Front in Traverse City where we worked with lots of homeless kids -- feeding them, giving them hope -- and things just started to unfold.“
The original House of Hope started in Orlando 20 years ago and enjoyed an incredible level of success with imitators around the country. The Rounds decided that they would duplicate the ministry here in the north. But, while they were long on idealism, they were short on cash. “My husband and I lived paycheck-to-paycheck, paying our bills and giving away the rest,“ she notes.
Originally, they were looking for something on par with a double-wide trailer on a three-acre parcel. A friend suggested, however, that they look into purchasing a home built by Ann and Dave Fieldstra, which was on the market for $665,000. It included a horse barn and was a virtual castle on 40 pastoral acres adjoining farmlands and forest.
The price tag was far beyond their means until “miracle upon miracle“ began to happen.
Two days after they learned about the property, a young man in a scruffy cut-off t-shirt and basketball shorts stopped by Ellie‘s ministry in Traverse City. They bought him a sandwich from the Solid Rock Cafe next door and he listened to their story. “We started to see tears running down his face and he said that he‘d moved here a couple of years ago from Seattle where he‘d been involved in a youth ministry,“ Ellie remembers. “He ended up writing us a check for $200,000.“
It turned out that their first financial angel was a a successful businessman, who prefers to remain anonymous. His donation was followed by one for $50,000 from Rotary Charities and contributions in kind by D&W Mechanical, SRW Excavating, Marsh Auto Group, numerous churches and many others. “All of these people came out and did an amazing amount of work.“

LOOKING AHEAD
Today, there‘s a little red schoolhouse on the property where Bob Liske, Ph.D., serves as director of education. The education has a Christian component and is tailored to each girl‘s grade level and competence.
The school with its 7-1 student-to-teacher ratio offers a huge boost for the girls‘ self-esteem, O‘Connor says.
“Many of these girls had been failing in school before they came here,“ he notes. “Many of them have been told that they are stupid or unintelligent, but when they come here and begin getting the individual attention, they‘re suddenly getting 90 percent scores. It improves self-esteem and builds them up. In many cases they do much better when they go back to school outside.“
The girls also participate in a community garden, selling their produce to Scott‘s Harbor Grill. “They learn the whole market process from putting the seed into the ground to raising the produce and marketing it,“ O‘Connor says.
It‘s not inexpensive to board at the House of Hope. O‘Connor notes that it costs $2,500 per month to cover the staff and overhead, and the program is for eight months or more. Parents are asked to contribute what they can and to seek additional assistance from friends and family. No government funds go towards the home‘s maintenance.
Nonetheless, House of Hope has a waiting list of girls and an ambitious $600,000 plan for expansion. Six cottages are being built on the campus, with the first housing eight residents, a staff member and rooms for counseling and parental visits. There are also plans to expand the school and build a multi-purpose center for outreach programs. A new Hope Chest thrift shop on Cass across from Sara Lee in Traverse City is also expected to help make the expansion a reality. If you‘d like to get involved, contact House of Hope at 231-946-5350. You can learn more about the national HOH organization at www.houseofhope.com.

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SIDEBAR

Wounded Lives

For lack of a father, girls at House of Hope may turn to God or Jesus for male guidance, as the following story illustrates, written by a teen resident:

Heather‘s Story:

“When I was younger, my Dad was abusive towards my mother. He never hurt me but he rejected me at an early age, and left a hole in my heart that only a father could fill. When I was seven, my parents got divorced. It was a big relief for my family, but it left me full of anger and bitterness.
When I got to Junior High, I began Iying about things and experimenting with drugs. Later on, I started getting into sex and alcohol. At 13, I was raped which gave me a bigger fear of men. I continued to pursue sex, drugs and alcohol to heal my heart. I didn‘t know what to do - I was hopeless. So I tried to commit suicide.
My Mom brought me to House of Hope. Three days after I arrived I accepted Jesus into my heart. God has restored my family. He had given me a reason to live. I had to realize that God was the only one who could fill the hole that my Dad left empty, and now God is my Father.
God has helped me with my problems so that I can help others in the future. God used House of Hope to show me what His love is all about because that is what I really needed. I couldn‘t have gone through the program without the love. There is hope for future generations through Jesus.“

A Recent Success:

Although House of Hope only accepts teens to the age of 18, the staff couldn‘t ignore the plight of a 19-year-old from Bath, England, who was suffering from anorexia as a consequence of having been sexually abused by her brother as a young teen.
The young woman weighed 90 lbs., standing 5‘8“ when she arrived and had suffered an eating disorder for four years.
“We worked with her for three months and Jesus healed her,“ says Ellie Round. “She had been living on water, lettuce and ketchup. She‘d pour the ketchup on the lettuce and that‘s what she ate.“
Round says the young woman learned to forgive her brother, but not his crime. Her father traveled from Great Britain to spend two weeks with her here, taking her home after her weight had risen to 130 lbs.