Food for the ears ... a pyramid preview of summer‘s best concerts

June 8, 2005

Trying to plan out the summer concert events that you’re planning to attend this year is a little like trying to plan your diet using the new USDA Food Pyramid - there’s a lot to choose from.  The six parts of the Food Pyramid offer up all the foods that a healthy body needs to stay strong, and a varied selection of foods keeps things interesting - but every once in a while, you still have a craving to subsist on nothing more than Cheetos and soda pop. So, do the USDA’s ideas work for the 2005 summer concertgoer?  Well, it does seem that a good idea is a good idea, no matter what you apply it to - and moderation is often the key.  So just keep that mind as you take a look at what this summer’s, er, concert pyramid has to offer...
 
GET YER GRAINS:
Whole grains, refined grains, enriched grains - all are a necessary part of your daily diet, and this summer’s concert offerings include plenty of folk-friendly live events, too.  
Perhaps the biggest granola-fest is the Bonnaroo Festival, set for June 10th-12th in Manchester, Tennessee, held on an over 500-acre farm and chock-full of earthy goodness, including sets from the likes of Phish’s Trey Anastasio, Dave Matthews Band, Alison Krauss and Union Station, The Black Crowes, Gov’t Mule, John Prine, Kings of Leon, Donna the Buffalo, Old Crow Medicine Show, Widespread Panic, Jack Johnson, Bob Weir, and many, many more - attendees can also engage in various healthy down-in-the-dirt activities like Bonnaroo Baseball, the Bonnaroo Playground, and comparing tie-dye t-shirts with other concertgoers.  
Also gettin’ grainy on the road this summer are Bob Dylan, on tour with Willie Nelson; The Eagles; John Mellencamp on tour with John Fogerty; and Reba McEntire. 
You can even try a little cornbread with Alan Jackson or Tim McGraw, who are both hitting the road in May, or just check out the House of Blues Big! Summer Classic 2005 Tour, with sets from Yonder Mountain String Band, Umphrey’s McGee, Keller Williams, and more (stops include Milwaukee 7/6, Chicago 7/8 and 7/9, Indianapolis 7/10, and Philadelphia 7/22).
 
VARIED VEGGIES:
Raw or cooked, fresh or frozen, one of nature’s healthiest foods are vegetables - known for increasing brain power and keeping things fresh and energetic, there are plenty of those to go around this summer, too.   Perhaps one of the most anticipated tours this year is that of the appropriately-named Green Day, who are out on the road promoting their witty and rockin’ American Idiot album, complete with stops in Chicago (8/10), Dayton OH (8/14), Philadelphia (9/7) and in Detroit on the 11 of September.  
Taking place in Chicago’s grassy Grant Park, fans of all sorts of intelligent veggie-fueled pop-rock can look forward to this year’s Lollapalooza Festival on July 23 and 24, with live appearances from Weezer, Dinosaur Jr. (yeah, they’re carnivores, not herbivores, but we’ll let it go this time), Death Cab for Cutie, the Pixies, Spoon, The Bravery, The Dandy Warhols, The Redwalls, Kasabian, and former Radish member Ben Kweller.
Also hitting the concert trail with more smart tunes are the likes of Elvis Costello, The Black Eyed Peas, Robert Plant and Wilco, who are on tour with The Roots.
 
FAVORABLE FRUITS:
Every diet needs a little bit of sweetness to treat the palate, and both the Food Pyramid and this summer’s concert schedule are no exception.  Some are loaded with sugar while some keep things a little more on the mellow side - but the sweetest bands are those who know how to mix melody with poetic lyrics, setting out a whole harvest of sweet treats for your ears.
The biggest sugar high this summer might come from Coldplay, whose long-awaited new album X&Y will be sung live by the honeyed tones of Chris Martin and crew from August onward.
U2 are sure to sing “The Sweetest Thing” and maybe even “Lemon” at their live show, which will be highlighted by stops in Chicago (9/20), Minneapolis (9/23), Detroit (10/24), and Cleveland (12/10).
The melodic songs of Oasis will be heard beginning June 17th in Toronto, with the band stopping in Detroit (6/18), Chicago (6/20), Philadelphia (6/25), and and Phoenix (9/18) on their way to tours’ end on September 30 in Ohio;  Oasis will be joined by Jet on several dates.    
Other sweet singers taking the tour route this summer include Bright Eyes (with The Faint), Duran Duran, Sarah McLachlan, and Cake.
 
DELIGHTFUL DAIRY:
As cool as a pot of yogurt and as good-for-you as a slice of cheese, dairy products and All-American singers are a pairing that no one could object to.  
Perhaps the most overwhelmingly wholesome of these offerings is the American Idols tour, featuring the likes of Constantine, Vonzell, Bo Bice, and winner Carrie Underwood - this is a concert you could even take your grandmother to, provided she isn’t lactose-intolerant.  
A close second in the “Got Milk?” category is the tour of former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson, who has thankfully transcended her Idol stigma with actual singing talent, but has kept her mostly-modest image intact.  
Other contestants - er, talents - voted Most Likely To Be Seen In A Got Milk Ad include tour-bus-hoppers Ryan Cabrera, Leann Rimes, Hawaii’s Jack Johnson, wannabe “singer” Hilary Duff, and still-dressed-by-mom Destiny’s Child.
 
MEAT N’ MORE:
Heavy, hearty, sometimes a little nutty, and often full of beans, this category covers both the protein-filled portions of your diet and the rockers who sometimes lay it on a little too thick to be healthy.  Fine in moderation, these beefy characters often offer far more brawn than brain, but as long as you don’t overdo it, you’ll be just fine.
Leading the pack is this year’s Ozzfest, headed up by, of course, Ozzy Osbourne himself, followed by BBQ-charred servings of Iron Maiden, Mudvayne, Rob Zombie, and Velvet Revolver - Ozzfest will be stopping for a burger in Columbus OH (8/2), Detroit (8/4), Phoenix (8/18), and Dallas (8/25), among other cities.
Also grrrrr-ing their way onto the stage this summer will be Rebel Yell-er Billy Idol, Most-In-Need-Of-Tenderizer Judas Priest and Queensryche, everyone’s quintessential leftover Meatloaf, the well-done Rolling Stones, and the Anger Management Tour featuring 50 Cent, G-Unit, and posse.
 
AN ALLOWANCE OF OILS:
Last and definitely least, oils should, according to the Food Pyramid, be consumed in small portions and with care.  That’s a good way to look at the most artificial of this year’s touring bands, too - as slick as a used car salesman and overloaded with equally slick hair products, there are a few bands on the road this summer that are somehow managing to outlive their expiration dates. 
The Rock n’ Roll Double Header Tour features Def Leppard and Bryan Adams, and is sure to make you wish you’d never tried those deep-fried Elephant Ears.
3 Doors Down, Staind, and Motley Crue are all hopping out of the well-greased frying pan into the fire all on their own.  And on the road for the Rock Never Stops Tour are a few bands that we kind of wish would stop - namely Cinderella, Ratt, Firehouse, and Quiet Riot, poised to clog up your arteries and pop your eardrums like it was the mid-’80s all over again.

See?  The USDA does know what it’s talking about!  But little did they know that their theories and practices would also work quite well when applied to the 2005 summer concert season.  Our last words of advice for this summer?  The same as the USDA’s - drink plenty of water (especially at those outdoor shows), get frequent exercise, and remember - make smart choices from every group, and you’ll be on top of the Food Pyramid - or the mosh pit - before you know it.