An Anti-socialist Travel Advisory for Michigan

Guest Opinion

By David Bessmer | July 8, 2023

Recently, in response to civil rights groups’ advisories against travel to his state, U.S. Senator and former Florida governor Rick Scott issued this statement: “Let me give you a travel warning: if you’re a Socialist, Communist, somebody that believes in big government, I would think twice—think twice—if you’re thinking about taking a vacation or moving to Florida.”

Well, we can all admire Sen. Scott for wanting to keep socialist thought from infiltrating his state. However, it seems to me even more important to hold off at the border actual socialist behavior. This is especially critical in today’s brainwashed, woke culture where most people don’t realize the extent of socialist oppression to which they are already subject. So I have composed a fairly detailed travel warning which I strongly advise our own state’s leaders to promote in order to discourage visitors from engaging in socialist activities while in Michigan.

If you are traveling to Michigan…

Do not set foot on any socialized, publicly “owned” land, such as federal and state parks, forests, campgrounds, and nature preserves or municipal parks and beaches. Remember that a “commons” is a theft of both private property and taxpayers’ money.

Similarly, since almost all our waterways are considered a commons, do not use them for boating, fishing, swimming, paddling and so forth. If you come here specifically to enjoy Michigan’s water wonderland, you should be able to find a private farm pond whose owner will charge you a fair admission fee.

If you should fall into one of our Great Lakes, please learn to swim rather than summon the big-government Coast Guard. (They’ll just ticket you for not wearing a USCG-approved personal floatation device.)

Don’t even think about exercising your riparian “rights” by walking along a beach in front of private property.

Do not attend sporting, cultural, or entertainment events at venues such as colleges, schools, arenas, stadiums, theaters, museums, or open spaces that are to any extent publicly owned or funded. Make sure no cultural event you attend is supported by federal or state grant money.

For the love of God, stay out of public libraries.

Take care of your own problems. Do not seek help from public agencies such as police and fire departments or EMT services or from hospitals that receive public funding or accept government insurance.

Do not travel on any communally owned roads, streets, sidewalks, or conveyances. Enter the state only by private aircraft, landing at a privately owned airfield and paying no attention to deep-state air-traffic control.

If you are moving to Michigan (in addition to all the above)…

Avoid taking up residence in any municipality where you are forced to buy your water from a socialized public system. Choose a dwelling or building site in the country, where you can pump your own free, unfluoridated water straight out of the ground.

By doing so, you will also avoid one of the most disgusting of all socialist afflictions—the one where you can’t go to the bathroom without paying the government to carry off and “process” your own personal metabolic byproducts via public sewers. And don’t be fooled: most local governments charge your septic-tank pumping company to empty their trucks into municipal processing facilities, so the best practice is probably to surreptitiously divert your household outflow into the nearest body of water or wetland.

Do not seek employment with any public agency or governmental unit. Home school your children or send them to parochial or for-profit schools. Do not send your offspring to any college or university, except Hillsdale. Be prepared to pay for all your own medical expenses, out of pocket or via private insurance. Do not let Medicare pay any of your medical bills.

Do not spend any money that you have received from Social Security or any other publicly funded pension program, veterans’ benefits, or other kind of welfare. This is stolen money. Until someone finds a way to return it to its rightful owners, it’s probably best to bury it in your backyard, uphill from your septic field.

That said, we want to extend to you a warm and heartfelt welcome to Michigan—whether you are coming here for the vacation of a lifetime or to start a new life in the Wolverine state. And please know that by complying with this advisory you are helping to ensure that the prosperity engendered by our sacred system of private enterprise will never be crushed under the weight of big-government socialism—that Michigan will always be a thriving state where people love to vacation and live.

David Bessmer is a retired writer and editor living in Grand Traverse County.