What? I Didn’t Catch That

Guest Opinion

By Richard Fidler | Dec. 13, 2025

“I left the clothes in the dryer.” … “What?”

“I said I left the clothes in the dryer.” … “What’s on the dryer?”

(Raised voice) “I said I left the clothes in the dryer.” … Silence.

“Forget it.”

Dialogues like that are common in households with hearing-impaired housemates. I should know: I am hearing-impaired. My impairment is quite severe. I have bilateral Meniere’s Disease, a condition characterized by balance issues, tinnitus, and hearing loss. I have a cochlear implant in one ear and a hearing aid in the other, those devices providing the only access to the soundscape around me.

Because so many hearing receptors were destroyed by the disease, I cannot make out simple melodies in the music I loved before the impairment began. Apparently, too many receptors tuned to different frequencies are missing to capture the continuity of the tune.

Most hearing-impaired persons are not afflicted as severely as I am: the range of disability begins with mild hearing loss and extends to near-total deafness. Consequently, some descriptions and suggestions in this piece will apply to some persons better than others.

Dead-end dialogues like the one described above stir up feelings of frustration and anger between impaired listeners and speakers. The hearing-impaired person asks why the unimpaired person can’t work harder to help someone with a disability, while the person with normal hearing asks why the hard-of-hearing person cannot pay attention and listen better.

Rather than waste precious energy accusing the other person of laziness, it makes more sense to figure out ways of improving communication. A speaker with normal hearing can adjust her behavior to improve comprehension.

The speaker and listener should be in the same room, face-to-face if possible. Often, persons with impaired hearing cannot pinpoint the source of a voice. Did it come from the kitchen or the laundry room? The speaker can signal the listener to get her attention: “Brenda, I’m in the laundry room…”

Rather than blurting out a sentence rapidly, the speaker can speak slowly in an even voice. The speaker can provide context: “Brenda, the dryer in the laundry: Did you know clean clothes are in it?”

The speaker can avoid talking whenever background noise competes with the message being conveyed: washers, vacuums, TV, traffic noise, background music, wind blowing into a hearing device.

Loudness and tonal quality of voice matter. Shouting is not helpful. A voice slightly elevated over normal is best.

Likewise, a hearing-impaired listener can take steps to facilitate communication. The listener must give his full attention to the speaker. No use of cell phones or other devices that capture attention. If conditions are too noisy, the listener must inform the speaker to put off immediate communication until a quieter time arrives. And if/when it happens, the listener must confess that he did not understand what was said to him.

The last point is a difficult one for the hearing-impaired listener. Frequently, there is just one word he did not understand, so it makes sense to allow the speaker to go on in hope that she will say something that sheds light on the missing unit of meaning. In the dialogue above, the speaker might add, “We need to take them out and fold them,” that addition cluing the listener that the missed word was “clothes.”

Most people with a hearing disability do not want to interrupt conversations constantly with “What? Can you repeat that?” because doing so might end the conversation prematurely. Too many “whats” dampen dialogue.

Both speaker and listener should pay attention to the beginning of incomprehension. For some, an immediate exposing of incomprehension is the best response (“I don’t understand”), while others might prefer expanding conversational gambits to include more repetition and providing more context rather than stopping the flow with a request to repeat or explain. Over time, both parties will develop skill in interpreting the cues each person provides.

Speaking and listening can be emotionally exhausting for both parties, and it is natural for frustration to build after a volley of “I didn’t catch that” confessions. As tension rises, the best solution is to take a break from talking and listening. Read a book, cook a meal, sweep the floor, write a note, hold a hand, give a hug. There are other ways of communicating besides speech that do not depend upon good hearing.

Whatever the difficulties encountered in a strained dialogue, speaker and listener should acknowledge the patience and effort required by their opposite. “Thank you for your attention.” “Thank you for your patience.” Such simple spoken courtesies can ease the anguish of not being understood. We must not forget their power.

Richard Fidler is a former public school teacher for the Traverse City Area Public Schools. Having written about the history and natural history of the area, he awaits the release of his first book of fiction, Now Boarding: 21 Flights of Fancy.