Why I Love Our President

Guest Opinion

By Walt Wood | June 6, 2026

Dear Mr. President, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Though I will stop short of naming you the greatest president of all time, you are definitely in the top five. You have accomplished over the course of five and a half years in office what no president has ever achieved in the history of our great nation.

You have single-handedly forced us to confront the shortcomings of the two-party system, how it shortchanges the people, and does not serve our needs effectively. How refreshing to have a president who reveals corruption in every waking moment, exposing the rot in our system, made manifest on both sides of our dichotomous political aisles.

You constantly remind us how willing we are to embrace falsehoods that confirm our biases, when they are repeated by influential people, such as yourself. By utterly destroying truth, you have reaffirmed the need for truth and integrity in self-governance.

Your personal corruption has been astonishing and magnificent. You have conquered crime itself. The transparency with which you conduct your criminal activities is spectacular to behold. You are—if a tad unstable—a brazen mastermind.

You were destined to rule our country. Even when you were out of office, you wielded power like a king. Back in May of 2024, you scuttled the bipartisan border bill—the one hammered out by Republican Senator James Lankford of Oklahoma (and the Democrats)—in stunning fashion. You knew that the immigration issue was a winner for you in the upcoming election, and you shut it down. Controlling Congress from the sidelines is just one example of your innate autocratic abilities.

I’m not saying you didn’t have help along the way. You could not have seated Amy Coney Barrett on the Supreme Court at the end of your first term without the aid of Mitch McConnell. Now there is a brilliant political mind, and a timeless example of what can be accomplished if one focuses solely on retaining and expanding power. He was a great ally to you. Though a disappointment of late, I have a funny feeling he will rally to your corner in the late rounds of this cockamamy slugfest.

Your personal police force, despite some early hiccups, will, I believe, reinforce the whiteness of America—easing Caucasian minds everywhere. Preying on our fears that brown people might gain a substantial foothold in society has naturally led to a decrease in their numbers. When all the brown people you can possibly deport are in fact deported, your masked miscreants can move on to eradicate any domestic threat to white, faux-Christian nationalist rule.

You’re doing an effective job of limiting the ability of Blacks to vote and have representation in government. There will be resistance to this of course. But your magical talent for pitting citizens against one another—nothing short of wizardry—will serve to keep our nation free of any effectual opposition to the lie of white supremacy. You have already removed Black and brown people, and women, from positions of power in your administration, including our honorable military, and I am certain you will continue to do so.

Your approval rating with white men can only explode through these actions, as will your continuing subjugation of women. Your mastery of human nature has enabled you to hoodwink male voters into supporting you, while tons of women who are subservient to men will do as they’re told. It’s win-win. Hats off to you, Sir. I only wish Roy Cohn, Joe McCarthy, and Rush Limbaugh were alive to witness the spectacle of your dazzling, multi-ringed circus.

In future times, millions will view you as the savior of the nation. It is a gosh-darned shame that you will be underappreciated when the numerous reforms to strengthen our republic are enacted. After all, it is your leadership in exposing the decay of our dilapidated democracy that will facilitate its resurgence and supercharged comeback.

Your presidency was ordained. Without you, it would have been business as usual—pervasive corruption continuing unabated under the radar. Instead, your greatest achievement can be realized—once you leave office, of course.

After Citizens United is overturned and effective campaign finance reform finally legislated, dark money will be forever banished from our democracy. You should receive the lion’s share of credit for this astounding accomplishment.

I cannot say it enough. Your presidency is, without a doubt, the most consequential in the history of these United States. Because of you, sir, we will Make America Great Again. I love you so much for that, Mr. President. Thank you for your service to our nation. God bless you, and may God have mercy on your malevolent soul.

Walt Wood is a retired mailman, current Lutheran, and essayist focused on political philosophy and the intersection of religion and democracy.