Getting the Most out of your Marriage: 6 Steps for Making a Good Thing Even Better

Feb. 9, 2005

Having a few minutes to relax at the end of the day is a luxury in and of itself. Carving out extra time for your marriage can seem impossible. To help manage this dilemma, here are six easy steps for getting more from your marriage with less work.

1. Pick your battles carefully. Your time together is very important and you want it to be as enjoyable as possible. The less time you invest in unnecessary conflict; such as arguing over how the towels are folded, the better. To do this, quickly assess your disagreements to determine how important they are. If the outcome does not make a significant impact, let it go. This will reduce stress and create a sense of solidarity between you and your spouse.
2. Spend less time talking and more time doing. Talking about everything is not always the best medicine. Actions speak louder than words. If you want to enjoy greater intimacy with your partner, instead of talking, complaining or being disappointed about it, tell your partner how sexy they are and snuggle up to them like old times. Stop waiting for the experience -- embrace it.
3. Compliment your partner every chance you get. If you have been led to believe that acknowledging everyday activities is unnecessary, I am here to say nothing could be further from the truth. Your partner is sure to savor any genuine compliment and will feel valued, appreciated and respected by your words. This approach is more effective than criticism and your spouse is more likely to repeat the behavior when it is positively reinforced.
4. Make the best out of your time together. If you are going to a party and really do not want to: instead of dreading the activity and making your partner feel uncomfortable over it -- turn the situation around by making it a positive experience. Not only will time go by faster, your spouse will be happier, and who knows, you may end up enjoying yourself beyond your wildest expectation.
5. Show your affection. Start in the morning with a hug and kiss. When making dinner, cleaning the house or getting ready for bed, touch each other in subtle ways and share a smile. Sit next to each other while watching TV. Sharing little signs of tenderness not only heightens your passion for one another, but it will enhance your love life as well. Create this level of affection between you and your partner and you will be rewarded.
6. Laugh together. There can never be enough said about the power of laughter. When you become too serious you lose touch with the lighter side of life. So the next time you make a mistake, rediscover the pleasure of smiling at one another by first laughing at yourself.
Getting more from your marriage with less work requires you to use your existing time as effectively as possible. To accomplish this: choose your battles, talk less, compliment each other, make the best of your time, share affection and laugh together. These simple steps require no additional time out of your busy schedule, but they are sure to bring your marriage more satisfaction. It is not necessarily the big things that cause your relationship to excel; instead it is the accumulation of many small actions.

Author and relationship counselor Myron Lewis will be at book signings in Charlevoix on February 19 at Bridge Street Bookshop from 1-3 p.m. and Traverse City on March 5 at Borders from 1-3 p.m.