What Parents Need To Know

March 22, 2006

Editors Note: After part one of the three-part series on Teens and the Trappings of the Internet was published March 9, Northern Express writer Rick Coates received several calls from parents, teachers, counselors and others expressing their thoughts and in some cases personal experiences. Seven schools have asked Coates to come and address their student bodies as well as parents about these trappings. The article is also being reprinted in a school district’s newsletter. Next week Coates will conclude his series with reflections on the issue as well as comments from parents, teachers, teenagers, law enforcement and Michigan’s Attorney General who have contacted him about the series.

Porn, suicide and gambling are come-ons for teens online

My first article for the Northern Express was 13 years ago, just a couple months before my first child was born. It was about the Internet and the potential possibilities the “Information Superhighway,” would have on Northern Michigan communities. In that article I detailed the importance of the region building “connecting highways or face being bypassed.”
I remember writing that piece as if it were yesterday. At that time I saw the Internet as an emerging technology that would make my life better and also present possibilities for my daughter that I never would imagine possible. Technology experts at that time were predicting that the Internet would change the way we would do business, educate, provide medical services and communicate with each other. In that article I wrote about all of these wonderful possibilities and speculated on others. As all of these predications and others came to fruition I felt pretty perceptive.
During my research on teens and the trappings of the Internet I re-read that article and realized that it wasn’t as great as I originally thought. I wasn’t perceptive enough in 1993 to predict all of these negative trappings that would confront our society.

INTERNET PORN
Never once did I imagine that Internet pornography would become a $15 billion annual industry (larger than the combined annual revenues of CBS, ABC and NBC) with $3 billion of that being made in child pornography. Seventy online companies generate 80% of the online pornography revenue. Internet gambling enjoyed $11 billion in revenue in 2005 of which those under 18 contributed half of a billion dollars to the cause.
In 1993 I never considered that there would be sites to encourage teenage girls to become anorexic, or sites that would suggest suicide as a viable choice for teenagers.
If you are not alarmed to learn that teens are being lured in by sexual predators through social networking sites such as MySpace or Friendster, then the fact that there are sites on the Internet that actually offer assistance to teens contemplating suicide should send shock waves, especially if you are a parent.
These sites endorse suicide as an option and even outline different methods. One site will even proofread a suicide letter, make corrections and give instructions on how to have the suicide e-mail note arrive to loved-ones after the act has been committed.
Outrageous? Yes. But it is all part of the realities of the Internet. As some of you read this a sense of outrage might come over you by the mere fact that this article might point a teen contemplating suicide to look towards the Internet for assistance. Don’t underestimate today’s teens and kids -- they are already Internet-savvy. Even my second grade son comes home asking to access the Internet to research homework for school. I watch with utter amazement as he maneuvers his way unassisted around the Web as easily as he does video games.
 
NEED TO KNOW
Kids and teens don’t need to be informed about what is on the Internet they already know that “everything” is on the Internet. What kids and teens need to be informed of is that not all the answers and information they find on the Internet are factual, correct or even right.
Just last week a pre-teen in Northern Michigan committed suicide from information gained from one of these pro-suicide sites. Investigators looked at the pre-teen’s Internet history and found several suicide sites listed. A school counselor wavered about calling to inform the Express, but decided that parents need to know of these possibilities.
Recent headlines show that Northern Michigan has its share of Internet predators. One area 13-year-old was being stalked online; fortunately her mother read the daughter’s Internet history and stepped in the day before her daughter was to meet up with a 35-year old predator. Police arrested the predator when he showed up at the park.
Recently, a Lansing man lured in several Northern Michigan teenage girls, photographing them naked. Some even consented to having sex with him.  
 
STING OPERATION
The Oakland County Sheriff’s Department last November lured in a 35-year-old Lake Ann resident during a sting operation. This former paramedic for North Flight EMS in Traverse City thought he was meeting up with a 13-year old girl that he had been chatting with online. He arrived to the meet-up location with three laptop computers, a video camera and several sex-related items. He is currently in jail awaiting trial next week, and if convicted, will face 20 years in prison.
In recent weeks men in Gaylord and Levering (near Petoskey) have been arrested for Internet pornography involving minors. Both were soliciting children on the Internet for sex. Just last week, the FBI busted a mutli-state Internet child sex ring that included a Michigan man. Ring organizers were producing videos and pictures of themselves having sex with children as young as two years of age and selling it on the Internet.
But it isn’t just teen girls being drawn in. Internet porn operators are targeting young male teens. One way is through social networking sites like MySpace. Scantily clad Internet porn stars are creating MySpace sites inviting male teens to join their sites and encouraging these teens to come and visit pay-to-view sites.
 
TEEN GAMBLING
Internet pornography is just one way of trapping teens into spending money (often their parent’s money) on the web. Growing in popularity is Internet gambling. One parent called me in tears after the first article came out sharing with me how here 17-year-old son went $30,000 in debt gambling on the Internet. He kept applying for credit cards and maxing them out as he went further in debt trying to cover his gambling loses.
Parents thinking about trying to keep their sons or daughters off the Internet are only fooling themselves. During my research on MySpace I noticed several area teens were online during school hours. Many were accessing their MySpace sites from school computer labs (a quick survey of a few area school districts shows that most have put blocks on their computers to keep kids away from MySpace when working in school computer labs).
Teens, also, often access the Internet while at friends’, the library and when their parents are not at home. So in reality, there is no way to keep your kids from accessing the Internet. Plus, the Internet will become more important in their educational and work life in the years to come. So the answer lies in communicating and creating boundaries.
 
THE TRIGGER
Not talking to your kids about the Internet is like leaving a loaded gun on the kitchen table. Curiosity is going to lead them to pull the trigger.
Chances are your kids know 100 times more what is on the Internet than you do. So where you have the advantage is in that parental instinct within you that warns of dangers. That instinct that tells you to lock up guns, keep poisons out of reach of toddlers, put protective caps over electrical outlets. Those same parental instincts must be used by you to create boundaries and safe usage, of the Internet, by your kids.
Ultimately, the responsibility is going to fall into the hands of kids and teenagers. So here is a message for them.
The Internet is cool, really cool, with lots of great opportunities and a real advantage when doing homework or staying connected with friends. But the Internet is also a gigantic iPod, downloading your thoughts, pictures and anything else personal. Once you decide to upload details of your life or photographs of yourself literally a billion people have access to downloading this information.
It should be clear to you by now that online predators are possibly tracking down this information. But guess who else? Colleges, universities and future employers are downloading information. Last year several universities denied applicants admittance because of the applicant’s activity on the Internet. Employers daily are firing employees for inappropriate use of the Internet.  
So take the responsibility onto yourself when using the Internet. Ask yourself if the picture you are about to post or the information you are about to upload might have some sort of negative consequences.
 
DON’T POST
Do not post any personal information such as last name, phone number, class or work schedule or address. If you are old enough to have a social networking site, know who your “friends” are. Do not communicate with strangers or agree to meet with them, even if they claim to be another teenager.
Talk to your parents. Remember information you post is accessible by parents, teachers and possibly predators. So if you have something that you don’t want adults to see then don’t post it. Keep it in a journal.
Parents take time to connect with your kids about the Internet. Ask them if they have a MySpace or similar site, and if so, ask to see it. Ask them to help you create a MySpace site, learn how it works. Many parents have found it beneficial to Instant Message (IM) with their kids once a day during the work/school week. This is a great way to communicate and transitions well when they go away to college.
The Internet isn’t going anywhere. Internet commerce is estimated at close to $100 billion worldwide (25% of that commerce is pornography/gambling). Being informed about the Internet and its trappings is not just for kids, but adults as well. In 2004, Internet scams conned unsuspecting web travelers out of $350 million.
 
NO RULES
The Internet is the modern-day wild west: lots of opportunities and no rules. Learn to protect yourself and your family.
For additional information and research visit the Michigan Attorney General’s site for Internet Safety www.michigan.gov/ag where you may also report any suspicious online activity.
Another great resource is www.wiredsafety.org as they are by far the most definitive website for online safety. In fact the organization went to MySpace months ago over concerns and MySpace agreed with the concerns and MySpace works closely with Wiredsaftey.org to keep kids and teens safe when they are on the Internet. Wiredsaftey.org has tips for parents, kids, teens, librarians, schools, and communities and daily stays on top of Internet trends and potential dangers that exist. You may also learn about Internet filters and other means to keep your kids off certain sites.
Remember, Internet filters are like condoms; they don’t always work and not every computer has one. Families that talk about the Internet and create boundaries are least at risk. Remember, 100% of the boys and girls molested sexually by Internet predators went willfully to meet with the predator. 100% of the teens (who initially might have been tricked or lured to these sites) that paid for online pornographic material willfully entered their (or parents) credit card number. 100% of the kids gambling online willfully placed bets on sporting events or played games of chance. 
A majority of kids who end up in trouble on the Internet had parents who said, “It is not my kid doing these things.”