To Gray or Not to Gray?

Stylists weigh on the best way to embrace your shades of gray

By Alexandra Dailey | Nov. 5, 2022

Maybe you’ve asked yourself this question while gazing in the mirror and spotting yet another silver hair amid the black, brown, blonde, or red. Men have long embraced the distinguished “touch of gray” look, but women often get the short end of the silver fox stick, with the stigma of looking old rather than refined.

So what are the pros and cons of going gray? How long does it take and what’s the process like? And how do you keep gray hair looking youthful and healthy?

Pro: You’ll save money in the long run
According to Katie Baker of Vogue Salon in downtown Petoskey, most people decide to go gray when they get tired of the routine root touch-ups. Fewer visits to the salon mean saving money, which can be a huge selling point, though the shift to gray can be more costly upfront.

Con: You’ll have to put in some time and energy (and money)
“People are more accepting of going gray for themselves and seeing it on other people,” says Baker. “But the transition of going gray is definitely an involved process—whether you let it grow out on its own or decide to have it done in the salon.”

Pro: You can age on your own terms
Kerri Gee of Refuge Salon in Suttons Bay seconds Baker, adding, “Some women feel empowered by embracing the way they are aging and accepting the gray,” says Gee.

Con: You don’t know how your hair will look and feel
On the flip side, Gee has also found that some women don’t think their natural shade of gray is as flattering to their skin tone as the artificial color was, and “this is hard to tell until the gray has grown out several inches,” she says.

Mallory Burroughs, stylist at A Kollaborative Studio in downtown Petoskey, adds “[Gray hair] can be harder to manage on a daily basis with its drier and more coarse texture. The unfamiliarity of that type of texture creates a struggle for some.”

Slow and Steady
The stylists agree that a subtle transition is often the best approach for going gray.

“I think the most graceful way to shift would be to slowly back off of coloring by taking the steps to transition/blend, use foils to pull out color and add in some natural tones, and then tone with gray and silver,” advises Baker.

Gee knows many women who are beginning this process with dark hair and aren’t sure how to get started. Darker hair can take longer to shift to gray if you want to avoid a dichotomy (the dreaded “skunk stripe” look) between your roots and the rest of your hair.

“My best advice is to slowly head in that direction by lightening the root color little by little every appointment, maybe adding in a few subtle highlights,” suggests Gee. “If you want to be more aggressive, skip the root color lightening and go straight to a heavy highlight to transition as quickly as possible! If you’re starting with blonde highlights or blended gray, the shift tends to be pretty seamless, but I usually estimate going gray will take six months to a year.”

Echoing Baker and Gee, Burroughs adds that “the transition isn’t an easy task, and it’s not always a pretty grow-out process. There is a general assumption that a stylist can simply color the hair gray to match one’s natural shade; however, it takes some skilled work.”

Burroughs also recommends lightening the hair with bleach, using a special highlight technique to lighten the hair significantly, plus applying a silver/gray tone on top.

“This is done to achieve a more blended look,” Burroughs explains. “It makes the grow-out process look far less extreme—‘softer’ is how I like to describe it.”

The other route is to opt for a serious chop at your next haircut to remove as much of the previously colored hair as possible to make the grow-out process quicker with every appointment.

All three stylists note that there will most likely be salon upkeep in the short term, depending on your shade of gray and how your natural color blends with the applied gray.

Silver Lining
Once the shift is complete, Baker recommends maintaining a fresh look with regular deep conditioning treatments and toning once in a while “to combat any yellowing that may occur.”

Gray hair often has a different texture—think wiry and coarse—because you’re not only losing pigment, but also sebum, a natural hair oil. As for the yellowing—that happens because you’ve lost pigment and your hair is picking up colors from your environment, which could be everything from your shampoo to your blow dryer to your water. (Also, beware of chlorinated swimming pools!) Finding products that offer extra hydration, softening, and a clear tone can make your hair feel more like its old self.

The right haircut and style can also work wonders, even if that means a vastly different look than what you’ve sported for the last 20 years.

“You can absolutely still feel youthful and have fun with gray hair! I believe it’s all in the haircut and styling,” says Burroughs. “I love giving my clients an ‘edgier’ look with fun layers, face-framing, or even textured bangs. My gray-haired clients who wear their hair shorter always tell me they get so many great compliments!”

Case in point: Young women are choosing to dye their hair silver and gray, not because their hair is changing but because the look is in vogue. (Though our stylist experts tell us that’s an expensive process that requires a lot of repeat visits.)

“More women are choosing to accept their natural gray hair color at younger ages, and many are even striving to mimic the look as it has become one of the top trends, more recently,” says Burroughs. “Some [women] are even aware they can get on board the silver trend with their natural color working to their advantage!”