Letters 1/26/06

Jan. 25, 2006

Let‘s Dance
Forget avian flu. In the United States, obesity is an epidemic. It’s undeniable. It doesn’t matter what factors have influenced our gross, inflated waistlines. It matters that we’re compromising our health. Reflecting upon this season of Snowcoming Dances and Winter Balls, I’ve concluded that the way to healthy-weight happiness is to dance.
Poor diet and vehicle dependency aside, the real reason for size XXXXXL pants is that Americans ain’t got no groove. Spaniards can flamenco in caves and Brazilians samba in the street. Cubans can rhumba, Argentineans can tango and who can beat a polka in Prague? Americans die of cardiac diseases while Dominicans merengue to their hearts’ content. Sure, we can tap our toes, twist our hips and square dance if forced to in gym class, but what America really needs is some serious twirling, stomping, twisting, jumping, spinning and cha-cha-cha.
I propose a drastic overhaul of life, or at least transportation, as we know it. No longer shall dancing be restricted to fluorescent studios, reminiscent of circus fun houses with their Halls of Mirrors and clans of Spandex-clad acrobats. No! We must take it to the streets!
If walking to work burns more calories than driving, then tap-dancing must be better still! Why mosey down the hall to a staff meeting when you can skip and leap? If a jog in the park is your routine, simply jump about and frolic a bit!
The opportunities are endless. Waiting at the coffee shop? Start up a cha-cha line! When you hear a snazzy cell phone ring, get down and boogie! Eventually, life will resemble a full-fledged Broadway musical! Your secretary will greet you with a swing- dance twirl, conversations between clients will be calm ballet duets and every family get-together will be chock-full of folk songs and jigs.
And Americans don’t need to hoard the fun! Though current politics may resemble interpretive dance, in the end, all global disputes will be solved with fantastic dance-offs. Future generations will learn of the Break Dance Battle of 2017, the War of the Waltz in 2020 and the tumultuous Twist Takeover in 2031, not to mention January 14, 2034, which will be forever remembered as Disco Day.
Perhaps imposing a boogie-woogie will not be a universally adopted weight loss solution. Dancing on ice-coated, salty, Northern Michigan streets could prove to be slightly dangerous. Walking and eating fewer French fries, however, is not. While the media obsesses about potential pandemics, perhaps Americans should look within our own borders, and belt loops, and resolve to make this year healthier than the last.

Katie Blanchard • Petoskey