Please Keep these ‘Hush-hush‘

Oct. 2, 2002

It seems that Traverse City was all a-tizzy in early September with sightings of a reunited Demi Moore and Bruce Willis at Target, Home Depot and other stores. There hasn‘t been this much excitement here since a pelican got lost and flew into town from the Atlantic Ocean last spring. What next? Lyle Lovett back with Julia Roberts, shopping for malted milk balls at Wal-Mart in Petoskey? An ostrich in a hummingbird‘s nest, laying an Easter egg on Christmas Eve?
Actually, we‘ve got lots of celebrities hereabouts, what with Tim Allen camped out in Northport and Darren McCarty rocking Streeter‘s in Traverse City. We’re practically tripping (no pun intended) over past and present rock stars, including Bob Seger, Ted Nugent and members of Metallica and Grand Funk. Of note, People magazine reported that Sir Mick Jagger and Keith Richards recently flew to Marquette to attend the funeral of their long-time road manager. And doesn‘t Michael Jordan have a place up in Bay Harbor? And although we didn‘t see Madonna running at the recent Harvest Stompede in Leelanau County, rumor has it that she discreetly attended the Leland Wine Fest a couple of years ago. She could turn up at any minute, or maybe not, as the case may be. If we had a choice between Suttons Bay and Notting Hill, we know where we‘d rather be.
In fact, there are so many celebrities here that the Express has considered instituting one of those Page 2 features dedicated to the likes of Oprah Winfrey, Woody Harrelson and Courtney Love, just like the big boys have at the dailies.
Consider the following eye-popping celeb items we might run to keep tongues wagging. But please keep these “hush-hush“ so that all of America doesn‘t stampede to our door... Northern Michigan is crowded enough already without even more celebrities cruising our burgs and backwaters for attention.
• Six “Friends“ were spotted at the Petoskey State Park beach this summer. And one of them was Jennifer You-Know-Who.
• And “Malcolm in the Middle“ was noticed entering the sixth grade in Frankfort this September.
• Britney Spears was observed “Vogueing“ on a coffee table in Brutus, next to a copy of Traverse the Magazine.
• Not to be outdone, Justin Timberlake was spotted at the Mayfair Inn in Elberta, resting on the celebrity chit-chat column in the Detroit Free Press in a puddle of pea soup.
• Eminem? Yes indeed, the dandy candy by the same name was served at a tailgate party prior to the Dwight Yoakam concert at Turtle Creek in Williamsburg.
• Rosie? Sure, Rosie‘s up here too. Last we heard, she was waitressing up in Mackinaw City.
• Chelsea Clinton wasn‘t spotted in her glamorous, glittering new Eurotrash makeover at Interlochen this summer, but other young ladies were there who might someday aspire to look that way.
• Anna Nicole Smith was seen carousing at the Beer Shed in Mancelona, tattooed on a patron‘s posterior, who unexpectedly dropped trou‘ in the bathroom, creating quite a scene.
• Boy George is so back in style these days. Of course, we’re referring to little Georgie Fluegelfleister who entered kindergarten in Cheboygan County this fall, wearing new designs by Calvin Klein, and not the British pop star.
• Cap‘n Crunch sailed into Gaylord last week, taking time off from his busy schedule to recline on a shelf at Glen‘s Market.
• Popeye the Sailor Man and Olive Oyl were seen standing atop a slot machine (of all places!) at the Leelanau Sands casino in Peshawbestown.
• B‘rer Rabbit was observed hopping down the bunny trail in Vanderbilt in late August, pleading, “Please don‘t t‘row me in dat dere briar patch, B’rer Wolf!“
• The Zig Zag Man was on the scene in Beulah this July, nestled in a young man‘s pocket-T at a Benzie NORML meeting.
• Wyle E. Coyote visited cousins in Wolverine this summer, on his way to the annual Trappers Convention in Escanaba.
Well, got to run, I think I see Goldie Hawn, Kurt Russell and Kate Hudson over across the way. Or maybe that’s just some film posters in the video store window.