The “Real Man’s” Traverse City

July 30, 2015

We love Traverse City just the way it is. We’re not embarrassed that a popular restaurant has FouFou in the title. It’s fine that the 300 block of E. Front has been taken over by women in yoga wear, even if, to us, a yoga mat looks like a nice place to nap. But where is the stuff for guys? A stand-up paddleboard in open water would spell certain death, and no one wants to see us doing Zumba at 9:00am in the Open Space.

Our city has changed. Those of us who have lived here a while still remember when the City Commission boasted competitive weightlifter Ralph Soffredine and scrappy Jasper Weese; when local politics wasn’t debating how far from doorways people should be allowed to smoke. High school students really did bring their rifles to school on November 15 so they could go hunting after class. It’s not a "man’s world" here any more. Yet, despite the swarms of spandex clad cyclists, we know that at its heart the Grand Traverse area is a place where a little extra testosterone is still okay.

Each day we get an influx of men like us from out of town who are lost here. We have new residents who weren’t warned that modern day Traverse City isn’t the rugged north of days past. We see lost souls out on Front Street lagging behind their wives and girlfriends who are busy tasting designer cupcakes and olive oil. We see them at 231 Outfitters wondering if they rent fishing poles with those kayaks (they don’t). For those guys I offer these manly tips about Traverse City.

Men need meat. If you don’t really care if your pig was fed organic grain at a farm where the staff meditate every afternoon and if you don’t want to pay $80 for a steak from a cow that got back rubs, there is still something here for you. Mode’s Bum Steer hides back on State Street. They serve meat and cocktails. Not the latest designer martini, but something that can be called a stiff drink. At Mode’s you can still get a good steak, rare, with a baked potato. They also have vegetables, but who cares.

Speaking of meat, if you want to cook your own on open coals, as it should be, head to Maxbauer. At Maxbauer on Union Street they still have a butcher. He owns the place. Mark will get you the cuts you want. More importantly, he’s happy to share advice and secrets on curing and smoking if you want to make jerky or bratwurst yourself. And you know you want to.

We have no major league teams, but the Traverse City Beach Bums are the best deal in sports. You can take a family of four, buy refreshments and still spend less than one seat at Comerica Park. They play professional baseball in the Frontier League. It may be low on the farm club hierarchy (lower than single A, they don’t even get a letter), but the Frontier League has everything that’s great about baseball. There’s no advertising payday for the superstars or arguing over contracts. The players are young men taking their one shot at maybe getting noticed. Their pay is low, and they live with local families to get by. It’s about love of the game. They play with heart that MLB hasn’t seen in decades. Take your children to show them what’s great about what was once called America’s pastime. They have entertainment between every inning and at the end of the game all kids are invited onto the field to run the bases.

Rather participate in your sports? Try shooting skeet at the Cedar Rod and Club. It’s a members only club, but annual dues are just $100 and they’re happy to have you. If you are willing to drive a little, go blast a round of clays at Action Shooting Sports near Manton. It’s only open Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, but it’s worth making room in your schedule. Denny keeps the course fresh, moving the 24 or so stations regularly. Some are easy enough for beginners and others will challenge an expert. Again, it’s a deal. Fifty clays are only $15; you’ll spend more for shells.

It’s an hour drive to Manton and you’ll want to listen to the radio. If you tune in to WTCM-AM weekday mornings between 10 and noon you can hear the Christal Frost Show. "Hey wait," you say, "that sounds female." But don’t be fooled by the cute smile and blonde hair. Christal is one of us. She’ll kick around an idea and come up with something fresh. She argues with reason and humor. Sure, once in a while she’ll want to talk about feelings, but that’s okay. On the plus side, she’s easy to distract if you mention the Tigers.

Wow, it’s been a full day. Even if you don’t smoke, end the day at Nolan’s Cigar Bar. Mike’s slogan, "Where men are men and women are always welcome," pretty much says it all. This isn’t the blue-smoke filled bar from college; it’s a place where you can sip a drink amidst the aroma of fragrant premium tobacco and thumb your nose at political correctness.

Thomas Kachadurian is a photographer, designer and author. He lives on Old Mission with his wife and two children. He is currently the President of the Traverse Area District Library Board of Trustees.